


Lies #4: Victim

by RiverRaySong



Series: Lies [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Actors, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Body Horror, Brutal Murder, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Christianity, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders-centric, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric, Gen, Gore, Horror, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Just a thought, Murder, Physical Abuse, Psychological Horror, Remus is a little b, Roman needs to get his life together, Self-Harm, Serial Killers, Suicide Attempt, Terrence Williams Jr. - Freeform, Theatre, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Valerie Torres-Rosario - Freeform, Verbal Abuse, also Olaf and Samantha get a cameo, and maybe not do everything Remus tells him to?, for why he's doing that, of course there's probably a reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverRaySong/pseuds/RiverRaySong
Summary: ~A Sanders Sides horror fanfic~ Roman and Remus are small-time actors living in Manhattan. But when a murder is committed just before a read-through, Roman has to come to terms with his past mistakes.
Series: Lies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787554
Comments: 29
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

This fanfic is the fourth installment of the Lies series. Due to chronological reasons (information on that below), you can start with this book and read the following books (Lies #1: Panic, Lies #2: Father, and Lies #3: Craniotomy.) backwards. It is recommended for a better reading experience to read them in the numbered order, though.

This fanfic will contain disturbing topics. If any of the following warnings specify one of your triggers, do not read. Reader discretion advised.

TW: Gore, verbal abuse, physical abuse, self harm, suicide attempts, usage of uncensored swearing, slight incestic behavior (Remus), and murder.

This fanfic will also be on the shorter side when finished, from 55-71 pages (25.3K-32.6K words). Do not turn away because of this, it will still be very descriptive and well written.

This fanfic is the fourth in the series and is centered on Roman and Remus Sanders. The preceding books are each centered on a different side. Also note that they go backwards in chronological order. The order of when the books take place is this: #4, #3, #2, #1, #5. Keep this in mind when future books are published.

That is all. Enjoy this fanfic.

********************

On an average, bright July day in Manhattan, New York City, cars and people alike were traversing the streets of the city. The weather was hot and stifling, although a cool breeze relieved some of the unbearable heat. In a tall apartment building, in a two-bedroom apartment, there lived a pair of 23-year-old men by the names of Roman Sanders and Remus Sanders.

Their last name had not always been Sanders, of course. The moment they had turned 18, Remus had demanded a name change and Roman had gone along with it. They were twins, so why not stay the same? Besides, it seemed to have made Remus happy, and that was all that mattered. It was a much better name than their old one- Disney forbid anyone reading a play program see _that_ name. They were both actors, and even though they hadn’t landed any important roles yet, in the future they would. Roman _knew_ they would. They just _had_ too. They’d always done small skits and school plays together in their teens, and it was both of their dreams to become stars. In fact, it was one of the only things Roman allowed himself to pursue, only because Remus liked acting and singing too. Painting, writing, romance- they were all put aside for his brother. His brother was the most important thing in the world.

Whenever they were asked for their last name, Remus always told them, “Sanders as in Bernie Sanders!” Roman appreciated this, as he supported Bernie Sanders with everything in his very soul. Bernie Sanders was working for good change, supporting the LGBTQ+ community, and trying to save the world from global warming! Why _wouldn’t_ Roman support him? He was the hero and president that the United States of America needed! Of course, Biden was the nominee for the Democratic party in the upcoming election, so good change was going to have to wait. It was infuriating! After having Donald Trump as president since 2016, Roman would have thought that people wouldn’t be so stupid as to vote for him again! Even Remus, who was Christian, wanted Bernie to be president. Religion shouldn’t be involved with politics- that’s what Roman thought, at least.

It was a Tuesday, and what a wonderful Tuesday it was. Roman and Remus were going to a read-through for a play that morning with the rest of the cast. Although Remus was into acting, he did seem a little more… _excited_ than usual. He’d even gotten out his favorite deodorant and begged Roman to try some too, who had gone along with it even though he knew his stomach would hate him for the whole next week. Remus had laughed gleefully when he’d eaten some, though, and that was worth it. As long as Remus was happy, Roman was happy.

Roman left the bathroom and fiddled with his white long-sleeve shirt so it was perfect before heading into their small kitchen. Opening the fridge, he ran his fingers through his ginger hair in confusion. _Where did my last jar of Crofter’s go?_ He’d sworn there was an unopened jar sitting right on the top shelf not ten minutes ago- he’d planned on making a sandwich to get rid of the last of the deodorant flavor from his mouth. “Hey, Remus? Do you know where-” As he turned around, his amber eyes rested on his brother, sitting on the back of the couch in the living room, the jar of Crofter’s in his hand as he ate it all using a spoon. “Oh,” Roman gulped and shut the fridge, “Nevermind.” _I guess I’ll just make some coffee…_

“Nevermind what?” Remus asked, leaping off the sofa and scampering over to Roman like a wild monkey. His ginger hair was messy like usual, his gray bangs flopping over his gleaming, hungry eyes. He put his hands on Roman’s shoulders and leaned over him, trying to meet Roman’s gaze, looking like a tiger waiting to pounce. The grin on his face was chilling, like he knew what was going to happen next and that he was going to like it. Roman tried to shake him off as he put the coffee grounds in the machine, but his brother clung on. “I-I was just going to ask where my- our jam went, but I saw you had it.”

Remus giggled a little, “Where else would it have been? God forbids on a sandwich, heehee!” Although his words seemed innocent enough, there was something hiding behind it. Roman didn’t say anything, pressing the **BREW** button and going to sit on the couch.

Roman’s brother was very flamboyant. He was constantly getting up in everyones’ business and tried to get all the attention on him. Whenever he was around, things got out of hand and he became the biggest presence. Everyone _knew_ when Remus was there. Meanwhile, Roman usually stayed quiet and out of trouble, the responsible one. Usually at gatherings with other people, he would be completely unnoticeable unless Remus dragged him into something, which of course Roman let him do. The few times when people _did_ approach Roman, either he would make an excuse to leave or Remus would barge in. Nobody liked the doormat, which was what Roman tried his hardest to be. _If I’m boring, then they’ll focus more on Remus._ It hurt sometimes to stick to it, but for his and Remus’s sake, it needed to be done.

This was all normal. This was a typical Tuesday, a typical _any_ day of the week, month, year. Remus told Roman to do things; he did them. No matter what, no exceptions allowed. It had never become a spoken rule, but Roman was afraid of what might happen if he suddenly stopped. In truth, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he _wasn’t_ doing that. His entire life ever since his early teens had been about Remus, about what _Remus_ wanted, not Roman. They were twins, two sides of the same coin, and yet somehow they managed to be so, so different. Roman squeezed his eyes shut, his arms crossed to hide how tightly his hands were clenched. Thinking about it just made it worse. The memories were way too painful, and every word and moment he remembered was like a knife being stabbed into his very being. Everything was tied together, though. The reason Roman was sitting on that couch with a stomachache was because of everything that had happened. This life was the consequence.

“Hey, bro!” His brother catapulted over the counter and somehow landed on the couch without breaking anything. “You won’t believe it! Dr. Picani is in town- I’m gonna meet up with him tomorrow. I would ask if you wanted to come along, but I _seem_ to remember you saying that he was exclusively _my_ therapist, so I wouldn’t want to tempt you to go back on your word.” Remus grinned, brushing the gray bangs out of his eyes. Roman gave him a small smile, “That sounds great! And of course, I wouldn’t want to intrude. He was only my therapist for six months, compared to your four years. You two must have some catching up to do. What’s he doing all the way up here in Manhattan? You said he was still living in Gainesville the last time you mentioned him.”

“Oh,” Remus waved his hand. “Y’know, psychologist stuff. How should I know? That’s all boring! Anyways, we should get to the theatre! Wouldn’t want to be late now, would we?” He winked and made for their front door, throwing it open and laughing maniacally as he took off down the stairs. Roman sighed and quickly poured himself a thermos of coffee, following shortly. _Today is certainly going to be interesting._

Wearing a long-sleeve shirt was not going to be fun. By the time they made it a block away from their apartment complex, Roman was already sweating. _Why the fuck does it have to be so hot?_ To be fair, it was the middle of summer, but when had that ever stopped Roman from complaining? _Yuck, I’m going to stink by the time we get there! Too bad we can’t waste any money on a cab, or something more dignified than our own feet…_

To be fair, it was a pretty day. Although the heat was unfavorable and made his clothes stick uncomfortably to his skin, everything was bathed in golden light. The deep purple of the shadows were hidden in corners, over doorways into shops and bakeries. Light glinted off passing cars, making the metal glow and sparkle like it was magical. Everything just seemed so warm and welcoming, like nothing was taken for granted or turned away. Roman started to hum a quiet tune to himself that progressed with the aura of it all. Upbeat, spontaneous, electric, no plot twists. This was often how he figured out what he was feeling. When he got stressed he’d hum to the beat of his anxieties, or when he was sad he would whisper to the sound of his tears. On normal days, though, it was an invigorating melody that brought life to the world around him. It made it musical, it made it seem like the city was a living, breathing entity that was speaking to Roman’s very soul.

“Today’s going to be the most fun I’m going to have in my entire life!” Remus burst out suddenly as they crossed the street. His little mustache quivered a little as his face once again split into a wide smile. Roman laughed a little, “Read-throughs aren’t usually _that_ interesting. The only time anything’s ever gone crazy was that time with the noodles. What do you think is going to happen that’ll be so extravagant as to become a key moment in your life?”

His brother shrugged, still beaming. “I just know it’ll be great! You don’t need to know everything, do you, brother? If I tell you now, it’ll spoil the surprise! We wouldn’t want that, would we?” He jogged onto the opposite sidewalk as the walking light turned red, and Roman joined him a moment later. _Surprise? What surprise is he talking about?_ Something at the pit of his stomach told Roman it was going to be bad- or maybe that was the deodorant he’d eaten that morning. _Today is most_ definitely _going to be interesting._

About a good 7 minutes later, they reached the Angelica Theatre. This was where the read-through was being held. Tomorrow they would do their first rehearsal. Roman nervously pulled at the edges of his sleeves as they went through the front door. Hopefully, they weren’t fired and turned away. Yes, they had already auditioned and gotten the parts, but what if the director didn’t like working with them? Remus was certainly… _something_ to handle, and Roman hated outshining his brother. The only reason he’d gotten a small part along with Remus was because he’d asked specifically for it. The director had originally planned on making him the lead role, but he had declined. _I can’t do that to Remus._

The two of them had been told to head backstage, where everyone else was also instructed to go. They’d go through the script and then leave to review it at their own homes. Remus would probably make Roman stay up until an unholy hour practicing lines with him. _Practice makes perfect._ Still, Roman pitied his future self. _I hope I don’t throw up in the middle of the read-through because of that deodorant…_ Remus ate it all the time with no repercussions, but he’d also been eating it since they were 12. Was it something that required building up a resistance to? _Does his body consider it_ actual _food now?_ That idea sent a shiver down his spine, and once again he was reminded of the strangeness of his brother.

When they reached the backstage area, they were greeted by the director, his assistant director, and about five other people. _Guess we aren’t the first ones here._ The director, a man called Olaf Gad, approached them and handed them their scripts. “We’re still waiting on a few people, but you can get to know some of your fellow actors during the wait. There’s alcohol over on the table over there.” He waved vaguely in a general direction before turning back to his assistant director, Samantha Menzel. Remus scampered off to the beverage table while Roman decided to socialize with the others. If he could learn more about them, it might be easier to act with them. He walked over to a pair of them, taking in their appearances. One was a tall woman with shoulder-length brown hair, thick eyebrows, and a dazzling smile. Her brown eyes sparkled in the light emanating from the bulb overhead, and she let out a boisterous laugh as the other said something funny. The other was a man with dark skin and buzzed black hair, with a small mustache just above his pale, luscious lips. Roman felt slightly intimidated by their relaxed manner and tried to act confident. “Hello there!” he waved to them as he joined them. “I am Roman Sanders- who might you two be?”

The woman grinned at him, one of her eyebrows raised. She held out a hand for him to shake. “I’m Valerie Torres-Rosario, and this is Terrence Williams Jr. Nice to meet you, Roman.” They shook hands and she gave him a little nod. “Terrence and I were talking about what bits of comedy we could add into the script- we have a lot to work with. Wanna add give some ideas?”

“Sure!” Roman felt a spark of giddiness light in him for the first time in a long while. _This is purely for work. This will help Remus and I do a better job! I’m not doing this to make friends._ These reminders flew to the back of his head the moment they started working, though. Soon he found himself laughing along with Valerie and Terrence about some hilarious joke that _he_ , _Roman Sanders_ , had made up on the spot. It turned out that he had a knack for improv, and it _seemed_ that Valerie and Terrence liked him. It felt so incredible to be making someone smile like this, to be the center of attention, to have his opinion _actually matter_. At some point, the other actors had arrived and people were mingling with one another. A couple other people joined their group of comedians. Truly, it was-

With a loud _clang!_ , all the lights went out and plunged the room into complete darkness. Valerie and Roman both let out screams, along with one or two other people. There was a _crash!_ , and somebody let out a guttural cry. _What’s going on!?_ Was it just a blackout or had someone shut off the lights? He fumbled around to find the nearest wall and bumped into the alcohol table, knocking over a cup and feeling his shoes get soaked in booze. _God fucking damn it._ Finally, he found the wall and he moved along it until he found the large lever that he knew was connected to the overhead lights. Using all his might, Roman yanked it back up and the lights flickered back on. It took a moment for him to take in the entire scene.

Valerie was underneath the table, holding her knees up to her chest. Terrence had backed up into a corner of the room. One or two other people were in new spots, but most everyone had stayed where they’d been before. Remus was sitting on the alcohol table, frowning at his now-empty red plastic cup. Olaf and Samantha were still sitting together at their own table. Everyone was staring at the floor in the middle of the room, horror slowly and silently coming over every single one of them. Roman’s hand slipped off the lever and instead covered his mouth. This was certainly not something you saw every day, and most definitely something you never wanted to see in your entire life. The first person to speak was Terrence. “What are we gonna do?”

On the ground was the body of one of the cast members. Their neck had been snapped, their head at an awkward angle. Their body had been thrown on the ground haphazardly, and their forehead was bleeding profusely. They weren’t breathing. It was very apparent that they had been murdered. Of course, if they had been murdered, there was the question of ‘by whom’, and _that_ meant that the murderer could still be in the room. _We’re in the same room as a killer._ His fingers itching to fiddle with his sleeves, Roman took in a deep breath. Nobody had an answer for Terrence, let alone Roman.

“ _Today’s going to be the most fun I’m going to have in my entire life!”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people just cannot wait to use the bathroom, and Roman is worried about his brother.

“Everyone,” Olaf took a deep breath, standing up. He looked at the body for a long moment before tearing his eyes away. “We need to stay calm. I’m going to call the police right now. We’re going to figure this out- nobody panic.” Glancing back at Samantha, he pulled out his phone and tapped on the touch screen a few times before putting it to his ear. Everyone stared at him as he cleared his throat and spoke. “This is Olaf Gad- I’m at the Angelica Theatre. All the cast members are with me. The lights just turned off and… someone was murdered. …Delores Gallagher… Alright, thank you.” The sound of someone hanging out loudly reached the ears of everyone, and Olaf lowered the device. “They’ll be here two hours.”

Roman slowly made his way over to Remus. Remus was pouring himself an almost overflowing cup of alcohol- beer by the smell of it. _I don’t know how he drinks that stuff._ Roman pulled himself onto the table beside him and touched his arm lightly. “Are you alright, brother?”

“Of course I am!” Remus put the red cup to his lips and chugged the liquid down, tipping his head back. Dribbles of the amber drink fell down his face and onto his shirt, some catching onto his moustache. _Is he_ trying _to get himself drunk?_ He then jerked his head around to give everyone an individual look, smiling slightly. “Well now! I guess we’re stuck in here until the poe-leece get here, just like in _Clue_! Except this time, only one of us is a killer. How exciting is that?” That signature laugh cascaded from his mouth, filling the silent room with an uneasy feeling. “We’ve got our own little murder mystery. Should we interview everyone and search for clues to find out who the culprit is?”

Nobody responded for a moment. Then Samantha nodded, “Maybe. Alright, nobody leaves this room until we figure out what exactly happened. Y’all get your asses over here one at a time- hmm, Roman, how ‘bout you come over here first?”

 _Shit- she thinks I did it!_ To be fair, Roman had been the one to turn the lights back on. _I was just trying to be helpful! And if I hadn’t done it, who would have? Who knows- if the lights hadn’t been turned back on, more people might have died._ He resolved that he’d made the right choice and slid off the table, approaching Olaf and Samantha. _I just hope Remus doesn’t get into too much trouble, or they might start to think_ he _did it. I have to convince them that he didn’t do anything wrong!_

“Hey,” Valerie then spoke up. “I, uh, have to use the restroom. The nearest one is halfway across the building though. Can I- can I go?” Her hands were trembling and her bottom lip quavered. _She’s scared- she wants to run away. Is that because she’s the murderer, or because she doesn’t want to get killed?_ It would make sense either way, so there was no way to know for absolute sure. So, the question that Roman knew was resonating with everyone was this; what should they do about Valerie’s request?

“No,” one of the unfamiliar faces said. She was a woman on the shorter side, wearing a silver dress and cherry red high heels. Her white-blonde hair had been put up in a ponytail, and her lips were bright red with lipstick. Her eyes glowed like a cloudy gray sky, fidgeting left to right by the tiniest of measurements. Suspended by a golden chain around her neck was the name _Dilara_ carved from gold. With a glance at Valerie, she shook her head. “We can’t let her do that. I bet she’s the murderer- the bathroom’s an excuse to escape before the police get here!”

Terrence glared at her, “I doubt that! What is she supposed to do if we make her stay, piss herself? We don’t have to let her go alone, if we send a couple people with her they’ll make sure she doesn’t leave the building! And if there are three people in the group, if one of them turns out to be the murderer, the other two can fend them off.”

Everyone thought about this for a minute or so. Roman bit his lip, thinking deeply. _I don’t think Valerie is a killer from how she acted earlier. But if they really don’t trust her, then I’m fine with her getting an escort._ He managed to open his mouth and speak. “I think Terrence’s idea is good. As long as she has somebody with her, she can’t get away scot free if she even _is_ the murderer.” _Out of all of us, Remus actually would be the most likely to murder someone. But I know he didn’t- he couldn’t have. If he was planning anything, I would know. Just because he’s a little… odd, doesn’t mean he’s a killer! Urgh, what am I thinking! There’s no possible way Remus killed anyone! It’s out of the question!_ But even while reprimanding himself, in the back of his mind he held onto those doubts. _Remember the things he’s done,_ those doubts whispered. _After ten years of letting him do whatever the hell he wanted, you still think he’s innocent? After all the things he’s said and all the things he’s done to you?_

 _He’s more innocent than me,_ Roman took in a deep breath. _More innocent than I’ll ever be. If he really is the one who killed Delores… then what does that say about me?_

“Alright,” Olaf sighed, rubbing his temples like someone who’d just gotten the news that Karens were real assholes who refused to talk to anyone but the manager for the first time. “Who wants to go with her? I’ll only take volunteers- I’m not getting blamed for sending someone off to their death.”

At first, nobody ventured to volunteer. Then Remus let out another laugh. “Sure! I mean, what’s gonna happen here that I’ll miss? At least if I go with Valerie I might get assaulted by some sexy murderer!” He winked at Dilara and Roman mentally face-palmed. _That is not a good way to throw off suspicion! They’re all going to think he did it... and should I really let him leave? Should I go with him?_ A rush of fear made him cut off that thought. _I- if I go out there- I could get murdered. Remus can handle himself! He’ll be fine… right?_

“I’ll go too,” a different man stepped forward. He had red scruffy hair, and Roman could easily picture him working on a farm. “I kinda need to pee too. No reason to wait around- let’s get going!” Fidgeting like his whole soul was itching, the man took off out the door. Remus ran after him, with Valerie close behind. _Should I follow them?_ That idea was so scary, when everything was happening so fast and nothing was making any sense. But he couldn’t let his brother out of his sight, not after all this time. Not when something like _this_ was happening. It was strange how Remus hadn’t even asked Roman to ‘come with’. _That’s weird… he always makes me go wherever he goes._

This was all wrong. Roman wanted to hold his head and scream, wanted to take a knife and stab his brain. Over, and over, and over again until he couldn’t think again, until the accusations against his _own brother_ weren’t there anymore. Until he stopped calling Remus weird, strange- _different_. _I’m the broken one; I’m the one that’s weird. I’m the one who’s fucking insane. A fucking monster!_ With that, he instantly decided that he was going to go after his brother and Valerie. _Who cares if I get murdered? I have to protect Remus!_

“Mr. Gad,” Roman quickly came up to him. Everyone else was now talking amongst themselves again, not noticing Roman at all. “I need to go after Remus. If anyone asks, just tell them that. I can’t let him go out there alone! For all we know, it might have been someone else in the building, and they could still be out there. Please, let me go after him! I can’t… I can’t bear to think of what might happen to him otherwise.”

Olaf crossed his arms, thinking for a moment. Sighing, he looked around before giving Roman a nod. “Alright, but I’m only doing this because I don’t think you’re the murderer. Go now, and don’t let anyone notice you leaving. I get the feeling they won’t appreciate me letting you leave.” He waved Roman away and sat back down with Samantha, who was braiding her own hair. Roman quietly made his way to the door and when he thought nobody was looking, he slipped out of the room.

 _If I remember correctly, the bathrooms are that way._ Roman made a right turn and began to make his way through the theatre. He’d heard that the theatre was also used as an office building for recreational programs at times, so it was much larger than a normal one. _What if I get lost?_ That would certainly be a problem. _I need to find Remus._ Whether it be that Remus was the murderer or not, he needed to be watched carefully. _He might get himself into more trouble than he can handle._ And could Roman trust Valerie and that other man? What if one of them was the murderer? They’d killed Delores just fine, so would two more be so hard? _Not if they’re trained, which I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. I don’t think they have a weapon, but they killed someone with their bare hands. That’s difficult._ Were any of the actors there capable of such a thing? Or was the killer someone who’d snuck into the building? _I’ll be screwed if I run into them!_

A scream came from up ahead then. _What the fuck was that?_ Roman quietly started jogging down the corridor, not wanting to draw any attention. _It sounded like a man’s scream- not Remus, though. Maybe the other guy?_ There was no way to know for sure- that was, until he rounded the corner and came upon a disgusting scene.

In front of him were two people, one dead and one alive. The dead one was the man from Remus and Valerie’s group. His left eye had been gouged out, and his throat had been crushed. The alive one was Remus, sitting next to the dead man with a blank look on his face. No wild expression, no smirk. All he was doing was staring at the man, not a single part of his body moving. _Oh shit._ Roman ran over and crouched beside his brother. “Remus! What happened? Where’s Valerie?”

For a good twenty seconds, Remus didn’t say anything. _He must be in shock._ Then he looked up at Roman. “V-Valerie. She suddenly attacked him, and when I fought her off she ran.”

 _Oh my God… Valerie is the killer?_ Roman hadn’t thought it was her- she’d been so nice earlier! Had that all been an act to get him to trust her? He wondered how he would’ve reacted if Remus had been the one murdered and not this stranger. _What would I do with myself?_ That was an easy answer; he would die. If Roman wasn’t able to pay for what he did, then he didn’t deserve to keep living. That made him think of an even darker question. _What if Remus asked me to kill myself?_ Would he do it?

 _Yes- yes, I would._ “Which way did she go?”

“That way,” Remus pointed to his left. Down the hall were the restrooms. _It makes sense… she really was faking it so she could escape._ Roman pulled Remus onto his feet, “Well, we better not go that way, then. Let’s head back to the others- they need to hear about what happened. Are you okay enough to walk?”

“I- I think so,” his brother crossed his arms- less of an attitude and more like he was protecting himself. _How badly did Valerie’s attack scare him?_ His eyes were still blank, although his stance wasn’t one of someone scared like prey of the hunter. It seemed like he just felt… empty. Roman gestured for Remus to follow, and they began to slowly go back the way they both had come before. _I wonder how the rest of today will turn out._ If it was anything like what had happened so far, then they were in for some bad experiences.

The time it took to get back seemed stretched out. Remus was taking his time with each small step, as if he could barely move, as if he was sick. Like he was a shell of his former self. No bounce to his step, no disturbing comments, just silence. It was driving Roman insane. _This isn’t like Remus at all!_ Roman had _never_ seen this side to him before, except for maybe a few times when they were kids- when Roman had taken things too far. Thinking about it made Roman’s head hurt. Everything happening was just one big reminder of what he had done. His wrists started to itch, and he picked at the edges of his sleeves. Every memory stabbed at his brain. He would’ve done anything to forget his entire life at that moment, as he and his brother made their way through the dim halls. He wanted to open his head and tear at his brain, if only not to remember. _This is all my fault. Remus wouldn’t be like this if I had gone with him or made him stay behind. It’s my fault he’s feeling the way he is. I should’ve been the one to go- I should’ve been murdered, not that poor man. This is all my fault._

“Remus,” he took a deep breath and faced Remus, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I should’ve been with you- I shouldn’t have let you go alone. Maybe then I could’ve protected you and that other guy, maybe we could’ve even captured Valerie for the police. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” It was hard not to burst into tears. His eyes were tearing up as the guilt swelled inside his heart. It was impossible to meet Remus’s gaze, as he was afraid of what he might see. Then he felt Remus shove past him and snarl, “Stop fucking apologizing, it’s the most goddamn annoying thing ever. I’ve heard enough apologizes to last me a lifetime for the past decade. We all know you’re a fuck-up, we don’t need you voicing it twenty-four seven like you have a sob story. Nobody gives a shit, Roman. What, are you gonna cry? After all the things you’ve done, _you’re_ going to be the one to cry?” He grabbed Roman’s wrist, making Roman squeak in pain. “Not _once_ did I cry when we were kids and you did all that shit. Not _once_ did I give in. I was _strong_. Now look at you! The moment you do anything wrong or remotely bad you get like this! Then you start apologizing and crying like a baby! Just goes to show how weak you are!” With that, he slapped Roman across the face. The impact sent Roman stumbling, his cheek stinging with red-hot pain. “Come on. Instead of whining about everything, how about you come help me warn the others? Might be a nice change to think about someone else instead of yourself for once.” Remus turned on his heel and strode away, leaving Roman clutching at his face with tears streaming down his cheeks.

 _This is what I deserve. This is what I get for what I did._ Roman quickly began following Remus, wiping his tears away. _He doesn’t want me to cry. He doesn’t want me to apologize. He doesn’t want me to be weak. But those things make me vulnerable, which means he can hurt me._ The need to obey and his own personal goal were colliding in a way that he thought they never would. _I’m not allowed to just stand up to him like that. I can’t be strong because then I’ll be immune to the way he treats me._

“Finally, you stopped crying,” Remus rolled his eyes when Roman caught up to him. “Jesus, I thought you were gonna stay behind like a pussy.” They rounded the last corner and reached the door to the backstage area. Remus put his hand on the knob and turned it, opening the door wide for the both of them.

The door creaked open slowly, showing a devastating and surprising view.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Remus find some disturbing signs and run into a friend.

The backstage area was void of any and all life. Not a single person was sitting or standing around waiting for the group’s return. Of course, the room was completely trashed. The beverage table was flipped over, beer spilled all over and red plastic cups scattered across the wooden floor. Chairs were broken, open boxes were tipped over with their contents cascaded everywhere. _Where did everyone go?_ Roman stepped over a broken vase- _where did this come from? Who broke this vase?_ \- and made his way over to Olaf’s and Samantha’s table. There was a small puddle of wet blood on it, in the spot where Olaf would’ve been sitting in front of. _That can’t be good._ Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Remus was licking beer off the floor. It would’ve made him puke if he hadn’t seen Remus do things similar to it before. He simply sighed and turned back around to look for more clues. _What could’ve possibly happened here? Did Valerie come back and attack someone?_ Could there be another explanation for this? _But wasn’t she trying to escape? Why would she come back?_

As he was heading towards the other side of the backstage, Roman tripped over a protruding cable and landed on his hands and knees. _Ouch!_ With his arms and legs now aching from the impact, he stood back up and looked around. There wasn’t much on this side of the stage except for a tall wall of boxes with a large gap between it and the actual wall. He moseyed over to them and peeked behind it. “Holy shit!” he yelped in horror and surprise, falling backwards onto the ground. _Jesus Christ superstar!_ Out of all the things he’d expected to find, he had _not_ expected to see… _that_. _I can’t believe this is happening._

“What’s up?” Remus came over, the shock from that man’s death completely gone. In fact, he seemed even happier and excited than he was before Delores was killed. The fingers of each of his hands were rubbing against one another, and his steps were light. Roman pointed to the boxes and Remus snorted. “What, are you afraid they’ll fall and crush you? Ooh, that would be fun to watch! I’d get to take that deodorant you ate this morning from your stomach for a snack!” He laughed, but Roman felt extremely disturbed. _Okay,_ that _was even stranger than usual._ Remus could say weird things at times, but dissecting his own brother after watching him die just to eat some deodorant? _I don’t think he’s okay._ Maybe the death of that man had affected Remus even more deeply than Roman had previously thought. Roman shook his head, “Look behind it. You won’t believe it.”

Remus rolled his eyes and made his way over, poking his head behind the boxes. He then let out a laugh. “Oh dear, looks like somebody got carried away. What should we do with the body? Put it with the other one? Boy are the police going to have a field trip today! I can’t imagine all the paperwork somebody’s gonna have to do. Two murders and at least one murderer- a prime example of how fucked-up the world has become!” He grabbed the foot of the body and dragged it out, Olaf’s head falling to the side as it scraped against the floorboards. Roman put a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from puking. If he hadn’t been alarmed before, he certainly was now. _What the fuck is wrong with Remus!?_ None of this was making sense. Yes, Remus had an issue with following social norms, but this was getting ridiculous. _He acted like this that night._ Roman shivered, his other hand lightly touching his neck. _Remus is insane and it’s all my fault._

Once Olaf had been thrown on top of Delores, Remus sat down on the floor and started picking at his nails. “Alright, so we know that the old snowman is dead. What about everyone else? We should probably look for them and find the culprit, right? Wouldn’t want the police to think _we_ did it, now do we?”

_He’s so calm about all of this. The murders don’t bother him anymore. He directly verbally abused me. He slapped me. None of this is right. Why is he acting out so much? Usually, he’s subtle about everything. But now it’s like he just doesn’t care. The murders must’ve really messed with his brain. But he was already fucked-up because of me. This is my fault. I was the one who did this to him. Whatever he does to me next, I deserve it. I deserve everything he plans to do and more. My God, he’s chewing on his nails, I can’t imagine being that fucked-up._

“We should leave,” Roman rubbed his wrists, wincing at the pain of how hard he was doing it. “What else are we supposed to do? The police will question the others and find out what happened to Mr. Gad, so the other guy’s murder will be blamed on them or probably Valerie. We can leave and not have to worry about anything.”

After chewing on his nails for a few moments longer, Remus shook his head. “Nah, let’s stay and see what happens! Imagine the fun we’ll have trying to escape Valerie or whoever the other murderer is, heehee! The adrenaline will be good for you, you never do anything nearly exciting enough to get your blood flowing.”

Frozen in his spot for a long half-minute, Roman shook his panicking thoughts off. He wasn’t entirely surprised by Remus’s response; in fact, he’d subconsciously half-expected it. That was exactly something Remus would want to do; stay behind and risk getting murdered just for the excitement of it. As Remus himself had once said, there was “no rhyme or reason to what I do”. But perhaps it was better anyways- more punishment for Roman, and Remus would get what he wanted. Reluctantly, Roman nodded and his brother grinned happily, “Alright then! Ooh, what if we went _looking_ for Valerie? That would sure be fun! Let’s go to the stage where we’ll be vulnerable to guns and arrows!” With that, he started sprinting down the remainder of the backstage to the edge of it, where he’d be able to go past the curtains. Roman followed more slowly, his whole mind screaming at him to run but his heart making him stay.

When they had made it past the thick red curtains, Roman immediately felt a slight jolt of excitement. That’s what happened every time he stepped out onto stage, even if there wasn’t an audience. It even made him a little hopeful in the present moment, and his chest burned to sing. This was where he was meant to be; on the stage, performing in front of everyone in the entire world. People watching, people loving him, every ounce of their attention on _him_. Afterwards, him bowing and thanking everyone as they shower him with praise because he just had the best performance in the history of acting. How famous he would become! Nobody would even mention Remus, and those terrible memories would fade into nothingness. Nobody would know about what Roman had done because they’d be so focused on what he was doing _now_. The past would mean nothing, and Roman would be free to live the life he wanted without any regrets.

“Brother dearest, come look what I found!” Remus’s voice shattered his fantasy. _None of that will ever happen._ Turning his head and taking the few steps that allowed him to be next to his brother, Roman had a sharp intake of air. _By great Odin’s eye patch!_ Laid across the ground was the body of Dilara. She looked completely fine, but she was certainly dead. Her arms were stretched straight out, making her T-pose. _Did the same person who killed Olaf kill Dilara? Was it Valerie or someone else?_ Remus giggled, “If she were hung on the wall, she’d look like she was crucified, don’tcha think?”

 _Crucified?_ A shiver went down Roman’s spine. What a weird thing to think about when looking at a dead body. Of course, Remus was Christian- or, believed there was a God but tried to defy them to no ends- so perhaps that was something Christians did? Constantly thought about God? _That would be really weird._ Roman was an atheist through and through; he made his own destiny and that was that. He wasn’t going to obey whatever some ethereal being said- there wasn’t even evidence of their existence! _Hmm… but I do obey Remus no matter what. Isn’t that almost the same thing?_ That was a disturbing thought that he did not want to keep.

“Hey!” Without any warning, someone leaped up onto the stage. They were holding a sword and pointed it at Remus, a snarl on their face. _Valerie?_ Her formerly straightened hair was ruffled, and her left eye was bruised. _Where the fuck did she get a fucking sword!?_ Valerie’s eyes flickered over to Roman. “Roman, get away from him! He’s a murderer! He killed the guy we were going to the restrooms with! I’m surprised he hasn’t killed you yet!”

“W-What?” _Wait,_ Remus _killed that guy?_ Roman’s jaw dropped slightly, and he looked over at his brother. Remus stood up from his crouched position next to the Dilara and yawned. “Why don’t you put down the sword? Do you really think he’s going to believe you when you’re putting me in danger? Guess you don’t know him very well.” Turning his head to Roman, he continued, “Don’t worry, if she tries to hurt one of us I’ll get rid of her!”

 _Get rid of her? No… that’s not right._ Things were starting to make sense now. Roman’s gut sense had told him that Valerie couldn’t possibly be the killer. Remus wasn’t entirely stable, and Roman knew it. Now with the threat of killing someone on the table, it seemed that everything pointed to the one fact that he didn’t want to face.

Roman had created a psychopathic murderer.

Suddenly, Valerie let out a cry and swung her sword at Remus. With a _shunk!_ , Roman watched as his brother’s left pinkie finger was chopped right off. Screaming in pain, Remus clutched at his hand while Valerie dashed over to Roman, grabbed his hand, and took off running. He let her pull him along, knowing that she knew what to do better than him. _But Remus was with the group that left. He couldn’t have killed Mr. Gad or Dilara- there must be another killer._ Going backstage, they reached the exit door and back into the hallways Roman and Remus had just come from.

He didn’t say anything as they made their way through the building, taking left and right turns at what he thought seemed random. This was not the time for talking, obviously. Valerie’s previous cheery face was now contorted in fear and anger, and he did not want any of that unleashed on him. _I wonder what really happened- since Valerie wasn’t the killer then Remus must’ve been lying about what happened._ He hated thinking about Remus murdering that poor man, but it was the only thing he _could_ think about. Nothing else mattered except to get away from Remus because Remus had killed another human being. _My brother killed someone._ How could any of this be real? This couldn’t be happening, and yet he knew it was all too true.

Valerie eventually pulled Roman through a door and shut it behind them, still clutching the sword in her hand tightly. She took in a few deep breaths before closing her eyes. “Sorry about that. This must all be really confusing for you. All I can tell you is this; we went to the bathrooms, Remus started to strangle that guy, I tried to intervene and got punched, so I took off. I went and hid for a little bit, and then decided to go back to the group. That’s when I heard you guys talking onstage. Oh, I also stopped by the prop room to get this.” She waved the sword around slightly. “It’s real, for performance purposes- we’re lucky.”

 _A real sword? It looks sharp…_ Roman squeezed his eyes shut and went over to a dark corner of the room. It was a dressing room, where the actors went to prepare themselves for their performance. It was complete with those mirrors that had light bulbs on them, too. It was strange how such an incredible place could house such a terrible person. _Don’t think about the sword. Don’t think about the sword._ He fiddled with his sleeves, his fingers itching to take the sword and do what he did best without caring that Valerie was watching. It was so hard to resist, but he knew that now was not the time to do it. “Roman, are you okay?” Valerie came over, putting a hand on his shoulder. When he didn’t respond, she took his hand and put the sword in it. “Don’t worry. You can make your brother pay for what he did.”

“I don’t want your fucking sword!!” Roman threw the sword across the room. It clattered against the wall, the ringing of steel filling his ears. “It’s not Remus’s fault!!” With that, he dissolved into tears. In the moment before, he’d been so scared that he’d tossed the sword away, but now he desperately wanted it back. His body refused to move from his spot, though, so he remained seated on the hard floor, sobbing into his hands. Valerie took a couple steps away, staying silent. He was glad that she did. _I don’t deserve her sympathy. I don’t deserve to be pitied. I’m the real monster here, not Remus. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. It’s not his choice to be insane. I’m the one who made him this way._

There was a knock on the door, making Roman look over as fear spiked in his heart. Valerie dived over to the sword and held it in front of her, waiting for someone to enter. After a few moments of waiting with no results, she slipped over to the door and turned the knob slowly, peeking out through the crack. “Oh, it’s just you.” She opened it all the way, revealing Terrence. He looked quite ruffled and shaken, as if he’d seen something horrible recently. _He probably did._ Terrence quietly stepped inside and Valerie shut the door behind him, “What happened to the group, Terrence?”

He crossed his arms and shook his head. “You and those two other guys left, and then somebody realized that Roman was gone too. Everyone started freaking out until Olaf told us that he’d let Roman go after his brother. Things got out of hand, and somehow Olaf ended up getting killed. When we all realized what happened, we scattered. Since we don’t know exactly who killed him, the police will probably arrest all of us, right? I don’t know where everyone else is- I just went to the stage and made my way through the seating area.”

After this, Roman stopped paying attention. He didn’t care what had happened to anyone else. Well, he did, but they weren’t as important. Remus was now accountable for murder. What did that mean for Roman? What was he supposed to do? His brother was either going to escape and be on the run or be arrested. If Remus was arrested, Roman’s entire life would forever be changed. He wouldn’t be able to afford living in Manhattan, and he wouldn’t be able to pay off the debt he owed to his brother. _I deserve more punishment for the things I did. I should be the one arrested- I’m the one who made Remus who he is. If I hadn’t done what I did, he wouldn’t have turned out this fucked-up. Everything would be fine._ At some point, he’d resumed his crying. His whole body shook as the salty liquid dripped down his face. His wrists were itching so badly and he gave in, scratching at them and feeling his scabs tear away through his sleeves. It was so painful and yet so relieving. He was spiraling, he knew it, and he didn’t do anything to stop it.

_This is all my fault. I’m a worthless piece of shit that can’t do anything right. Remus’s whole life is ruined because of me. I'm responsible for the death of that poor man. I deserve to be beaten. I deserve to be abused. I deserve to have every one of my dreams stripped away from me until my life is a living hell._

_I deserve to die at the hands of my brother._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback Part 1!

A long time before Roman and Remus went to the Angelica Theatre, before they lived in a small apartment in Manhattan, they were true brothers. Out of the 1st grade class, they were the six-year-old twins who did most everything together. Everyone else liked their spontaneous and mischievous ways- Remus was known to be the class clown and Roman always had the best quips, and everyone was quite friendly with them. Of course, their best friends were each other, and nobody ever got in the way of that. On the Sunday that was the start of their worlds completely changing, Roman and Remus were playing at the park after having left church.

They were standing on the brown mulch, staring up at the playground structure. Roman had challenged Remus to a competition; whoever could climb up to the top and get back down safely would win the right to choose what flavor ice cream they got at the store later. He was trying to come up with a strategy by first surveying all his options. _If I go up the slide and try to- no, that won’t work, I’m too short!_ Of course, Remus took off a moment later and started to attack the structure. The little gremlin in knee-high socks leaped up onto the lowest platform and scrambled to his feet, taking another huge jump to grab onto a high-up bar. Swinging back and forth a few times, he managed to pull himself up onto it, and without even a moment’s hesitation flung himself at the top cone-like ceiling of the main platform. “Remus!” Roman let out a squeak of alarm, worried for his brother’s safety, but Remus made it just fine and waved from the top. “I win! I get to choose! I win!”

“No, you have to get down now!” Roman indignantly objected, not wanting to lose _that_ quickly. _I’ll just have to go for it like Remus did!_ Maybe going the same way would work? _Hopefully, he takes too long and I can get up and down before he wins for real!_ But before he could do anything, Remus yet out a battle cry and leaped straight off the top and crashed down onto the ground below. _CRACK!!_ Roman gasped and darted around a couple poles to make it to his brother. To his horror, Remus’s foot from the ankle down was pointing the absolute wrong way. “Oh my goodness, Remus! That looks really bad! I’ll go get Mom!”

Something strange then happened. Remus started to… chuckle? The chuckle grew until it was full-blown laughter, tears of either joy or pain spilling down his cheeks. _Maybe both?_ He smiled his toothy grin and pointed to his obviously broken foot. “Look at how weird it looks, hahaha! Hey, want to help me back up there so I can do it again? Maybe I can get my other foot to look the same way!”

 _Why would he want to hurt himself?_ That was definitely an odd way of thinking. Wasn’t Remus in pain? Why wasn’t he screaming in agony? Roman quickly shook his head, “No, Remus, that’s not a good idea. I’m gonna get Mom!” He ran off towards where his mother was sitting, still very confused about the situation. _Remus is really weird…_

***

Four years later, Remus had only become even weirder. Roman at first had tried his best to ignore the oddities about his brother, but it was beginning to be impossible. Some of things that Remus did were just so _strange_ \- and it was impacting the way that people saw them! Remus was starting to be called out as ‘the kid with problems’. Psh! Remus was fine; he was just starving for attention, trying to steal it all from Roman. Their parents already were constantly doing special things for Remus, having special talks, doing all these things that they never did with Roman. _Remus is always getting into trouble, why don’t they reward me for being so good?_ Roman had even been the star of the school play the year before, and he had done absolutely brilliantly, everyone thought so! But halfway through the performance, Remus had made a giant racket and his parents took him out, missing the rest of the play. _They didn’t see me do something amazing! Remus is always making sure I suffer. What a selfish brat!_ So, over the years the anger inside of Roman boiled over, although he never let it show. _Maybe our parents will tell me I did good for not getting angry._

Of course, the next turning point was on a Wednesday in November. It was an average day, and Roman had just returned from his after-school activities. Remus didn’t have any; their parents didn’t let him. So, Roman usually walked home by himself preparing for whatever weird thing his brother had done that day. From creating the most unhealthy and gross snack to shaving his eyebrows, there was never a dull day in the household. Today, though, was going to be different. Roman had drawn quite the exquisite painting, and his parents would love it! For once, they would admire his work instead of ignoring him! They would _have_ to praise him. Finally, he would be the star and Remus would have to watch! _I will finally get the glory I deserve!_ Maybe upon seeing his painting, their parents would realize what they’d been missing out on! They would say, “Roman, you are so talented! We’re sorry we haven’t seen it before! You know, we’ll get you more art supplies so you can continue to create such beautiful things! Oh, what do you mean, ‘what about Remus’? This is about _you_ , Roman! You are the important one right now! He’s throwing a fit because he hasn’t ever done anything productive or good? Too bad for him! Maybe if he were as talented and incredible as you, we’d reward him! But you are so much better than him!”

Roman was beaming by the time he opened the front door and stepped into their house, fantasies dancing around in his mind’s eye. Today was going to be a _great_ day. As soon as his parents got back from work, he’d show them and his genius would overcome them. They would adore him like they never had before-!

 _Crash!_ Remus tackled him, giggling in excitement. “Roman! Roman! You gotta try this, it tastes so good!” He waved a stick of- wait, was that _deodorant_? Roman groaned, his back hurting from landing so hard on his backpack. _My backpack!_ Shoving Remus off him, he sat up and unzipped it, riffling through his notebooks. _Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no-_ Slowly, with tears brimming in his eyes, Roman pulled out the broken canvas that had been a stunning painting only moments ago. Remus stared at him, his eyes wide as he took a bite of the deodorant. That anger that always simmered on the back burner was now raging inside of Roman, and he no longer cared about anything else besides making Remus suffer.

“You _jerk_!” He jumped onto his feet and waved the canvas at Remus’s face. “Look what you’ve done! You’re such a stupid idiot! Only crazy people eat deodorant! Now you’ve broken my painting- I can’t show this to Mom and Dad, they’ll think it was my fault! You’re broken, Remus, just like my painting! You’re not normal! Normal people don’t ruin their siblings’ plays! Guess what, Remus? Nobody likes you! You talk weird, you like gross things, and you’re crazy! They all think your brain is messed-up! And guess what? It is! There’s something wrong with you! Nobody loves you, Remus! Not Mom and Dad, not anybody at school, and not me!”

Remus put down the deodorant, tears building up in his eyes. He scrambled off towards their shared room, slamming the door behind him. Roman simply grinned, feeling proud of himself. Finally, _finally_ , he had gotten to say what he was really thinking.

_Finally, he knows what it’s like not to be loved._

***

Three years later, these angry outbursts had become hard to control. After so long of holding off, trying to be the best child he could possibly be, Roman just couldn’t stop exploding at his brother. Remus kept ruining everything- but the cost of speaking his mind was his parents’ love. Their parents constantly reprimanded Roman for being selfish and attention-seeking. Of course, their definition of those two things were insane. It was impossible for Roman to be so completely selfless- he _deserved_ better! Remus didn’t. Their parents told Roman day in and day out that Remus was trying to normal, but some things just can’t be helped. That it could be worse. _Worse? Like how? How could Remus get worse than this?_ No, Roman had come to terms with the fact that their parents loved Remus more than him. _Fine then! If they won’t love me like they’re supposed to, I won’t love Remus!_

This was the kind of attitude that landed him in the office of the therapist known as Dr. Emile Picani, a short man with magenta glasses and brown hair with dyed pink bangs. He wore a brown sweater with a pink tie, and his left eye was yellow compared to his right brown one. The walls were beige, and there was a lot of cartoon merch on his desk and hanging on the walls. Roman felt weird, sitting across from the therapist. He wasn’t entirely sure if his parents had done this on purpose; was this therapist meant for little kids? _Whatever, it’s somebody who has to see everything from my point of view, and that’s always good._

“So,” Dr. Picani put the eraser of his pencil up against the edge of his lips thoughtfully, notebook in hand. “You’re here because, in my understanding, you have a tendency to overreact over your brother’s more strange outlets of OCD and ADHD?”

“Don’t call it that,” Roman heaved a sigh, stretching out lengthwise on the couch, his feet dangling over the edge of the armrest. “He’s just messed-up, and he likes it. Remus ruins everything! Every time I try to do something extraordinary- which is quite a lot- he has one of his fits of ‘intrusive thoughts’ and takes all the attention. I can never prove to my parents how amazing I am because of him! It’s always about him! ‘Remus isn’t friendly today’, ‘Remus doesn’t like animals right now so we won’t go to the zoo’, Remus, Remus, Remus, it’s always about him! What about what _I_ want? My happiness is their lowest priority! What kind of parents do that? They’re horrible people- them _and_ Remus.”

“That does sound awful!” Dr. Picani wrote something down and then glanced back up at Roman. “Tell me more about your brother- which, I know, that’s what you just said you were fed up with doing. But maybe telling it from your perspective might help a little with your feelings. Would it bother you to describe him?”

“Well,” he crossed his arms and sighed. “He’s two inches shorter than me, draws a mustache on because he can’t grow one yet, and he bleached his bangs a couple days ago. He’s missing two teeth because he got into a fistfight a couple years ago. As for personality? He’s an abomination, I tell you. Loud, obnoxious, nonsensical, random, selfish, you know a bad trait and he probably has it. I don’t know how Mom and Dad can like him so much.”

Dr. Picani set his notebook and pencil down, leaning towards Roman. “Your parents may never feel it necessary to give you the love and attention that you deserve. But something that will make you feel good is to hurt the thing that’s hurting you. _Remus_. If he’s making you feel unloved and unwanted, do the same to him! It makes for a healthy sibling rivalry, it will make him less spoiled, and you’ll feel so much better! What was one thing that you’ve ever done to him that made you feel amazing?”

 _I like how this guy thinks._ Roman grinned, “I yelled at him three years ago and told him I hated him. It felt so good to finally get it out in the open! Finally, instead of bottling up everything I wanted to say, I just _said_ it. And when he ran off to our room to go cry like a wimp, I just- I don’t know, I felt _powerful_. Like I could do anything! I yelled at him because he broke a painting I made, but it was more than that. It had been building up for _years_. The problem is that if I start yelling at him regularly, I’ll get in trouble.”

“Hmm,” the therapist thought for a moment, his yellow eye flickering around the room. “Yelling is probably unwise. If you want to feel like you hold the power over Remus, acting out irrationally is not the way to go about it. Just… point out his flaws in cutting-edge yet subtle ways. If he thinks you control him, he won’t be able to fight back. You deserve to make him suffer for everything that he’s done to you. It’s time that _you_ got what _you_ wanted, not him. Is there anything else you would like to get off your chest?”

Brimming with more happiness than he had in years, Roman nodded. “Just wait until I tell you all about the school play _staff_!”

***

After his quite lengthy appointment with Dr. Picani, Roman headed home alone like usual. Gainesville was quite a nice town, so his parents let him walk the streets without supervision. It was nice to be away from them- whereas before when they simply ignored him, now they seemed to make it their mission to yell at him and berate him every chance they got. _You’re failing at math! Shut up and stop singing for once! Stop bullying your brother!_ It was a good time to think about everything- especially what Dr. Picani had suggested. _I can control Remus... but how exactly will I do that?_ What words, what things could he say to really make Remus suffer? _He deserves the worst of everything. I’ll give this all I’ve got- I’m great at thinking up insults on the spot!_

Opening the front door, Roman entered the house and made his way to his and Remus’s room. They had shared it since they were babies. _We were born together, and we’ll die together,_ was what Roman used to tell his brother when they were toddlers. That had changed after Remus broke his foot. That disturbing image made Roman shiver. _He’s always been broken, even since we were little kids._ If anything, he wanted Remus to die alone and go back to wherever hell he came from. _Maybe then I’ll get the life I deserve, the glory, the praise!_

Remus was lying on his top bunk, trying to fit a small rubber ball into his mouth. When Roman came in, he spat it out and grinned. “Roman! Look at the picture I drew!” He yeeted himself off the bunkbed and landed squarely on the ground. Then he grabbed a slip of paper off the bureau and held it out to Roman. “It’s of us when I broke my foot! Look, I used ketchup for blood! Now it looks even more horrible than it actually was, heehee!”

“Oh wow!” Roman took it, studying it for a moment. Then he ripped it in half straight down the middle and handed the pieces back to Remus. “Now it can match my painting.” He raised an eyebrow at his brother, whose eyes were now brimming with tears. “Don’t cry, my dear brother. You’re not allowed to! Crying people go to therapy, and I’m the only one they got a therapist for. So, obviously you don’t need one. Hmm, I would say maybe we could talk about all the things going on in your head, but I already have enough trauma as it is.” Smirking, he turned away. “Seems like Mom and Dad finally realized who the one worth loving is.” He glanced over his shoulder as he went to the door, “Good talk! Let’s do it again sometime.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback Part 2!

Six months later, Roman had become the master of Remus’s emotions. It was strange to realize just how well he knew his brother, even before he started paying attention to his mannerisms. _He’s a crybaby- it’s so easy to upset him!_ Every day, Roman would find more ways to hurt Remus, and every single thing worked. He felt like he held all the power, all the cards were in his hand. _Maybe this isn’t so bad. If this is what it’ll be like for the rest of our lives, I’m more than okay with that._ Their parents had even commented on how well he was behaving; they didn’t know about what he was doing to Remus, but the happiness he got from it had almost if not completely dispelled his angry outbursts. _I don’t need to yell at Remus anymore- I can do something better!_

On the Sunday night that was the last of the turning points, Roman and Remus were in their room getting ready for bed. Roman was pulling on a white T-shirt, while Remus was lying on his top bunk in only shorts on, his chest bare. Checking in the mirror to make sure he looked fine for his beauty sleep, Roman peered over at Remus. “Have fun getting a date for the dance next week with _that_ stomach. I’m sure it’ll be quite the challenge, but remember; the journey is more important than the destination.”

Before Roman could even register what was happening, Remus leaped off the bed and smashed him against the wall, his hands gripping Roman’s shirt. He giggled, “I don’t need to convince anyone other than you. Since we’re brothers and we love each other, _we_ should go to the dance together! Probably should start acting the part.” Leaning forward, Remus licked at Roman’s neck. Before the situation could continue, though, Roman kicked at Remus’s knee, sending him tumbling into the bed. “ _Get off me, you freak_!” Roman was breathing heavily, fear spiking through his very being. _He just did that. He fucking_ licked _me! Isn’t that something partners do? Jesus Christ superstar, that’s incest!_ “Don’t come near me! If you come any closer, I’ll hurt you!”

“You can’t hurt me anymore,” Remus tutted, getting back up and grinning. “I _am_ a freak, and for the longest time I hated it. But y’know, now I realize that’s never going to change. So, why not just accept it and love myself? I mean, if you came to love your selfish, egotistical, bratty self, why can’t I love my own broken soul?”

Roman didn’t know how to respond. This… this couldn’t be happening. Dr. Picani had never said this could happen, only that if Roman was mean to Remus that he would feel better about himself. He’d never said that Roman could _actually_ drive him _insane_! _This wasn’t supposed to happen! I’m the one in control!_ But he was trembling, and he couldn’t speak. Remus was absolutely _terrifying_. _He doesn’t have any moral boundaries… I bet he’d even rape me right here and right now!_ What was he supposed to do? Finally, he managed to open his mouth and choke out, “You’re insane.”

“You’re darn right I am!” Remus laughed. “Hmm, I love this playful banter. Masks the tension of longing between us~”

“Shut the fuck up!” Roman wanted to escape his own skin. He didn’t want to be here, to be having this conversation. Where could he escape too, though? _The living room- I’ll sleep out there tonight._ “There is nothing between us. You’re sick! Leave it to you to be into incest. You need some serious help. I’m not dealing with this anymore- I’m going to the living room.” Snatching the blanket off of his bed, Roman darted out of the room and slammed the door behind him, running downstairs and collapsing on the couch. After a minute of silent contemplation in the dark, he began to sob quietly.

This was all of his fault. It was obvious that six months of saying terrible, terrible things had broken Remus even more than before. _I made him this way- I made him come to the conclusion that he just needed to accept that he was everything that I said he was._ All the things that Roman had whispered in Remus’s ear, all the things he’d snidely remarked about- they were now flooding back into his head, each one a needle picking at his brain until he wanted to claw his own eyes out to spare himself the sight of those memories. Tears leaked out from between his fingers and dripped onto the soft couch cushion beneath him. He wiped away at the spot Remus had licked, cringing with disgust at the now-damp spot on his sleeve. He wanted to chop off that piece of skin, so the echo of the feeling of Remus’s tongue would be gone. _No, that would be too obvious to Mom and Dad… I might really hurt myself if I try that, too._

His head hurt from squeezing his eyes shut and trying to force the memories away. _I_ did _that to Remus. I…_ abused _him. I’m… I..._ There were no excuses for his behavior. _I deserve to be punished._ His parents could _never_ know about what he’d been doing, that was for sure. _They’d literally kill me._ No, there had to be a way to make Roman pay for what he’d done. What could he do? Starve himself? Dehydrate himself? Subject himself to Remus’s whims? Hurt himself? _All of the above._ Roman deserved every punishment for hurting Remus. For Christ’s sake, Remus had OCD and ADHD! Of _course_ he acted strangely, but that wasn’t something he could control. Intrusive thoughts were a common symptom for those with OCD, and ADHD only worsened it. _He probably used to feel like he was broken, like I always said he was. Obviously, now he just likes it._

_I’m the worst person in the entire world._

Quietly, with tears still falling down his face, he made his way into the kitchen. It was lucky that his parents hadn’t stayed up to watch a movie or show that night like they usually did; their dad had worked late and had been exhausted when he came home, so the two of them had went straight to bed after eating dinner. _That’s why they didn’t hear me yelling at Remus earlier._ Stepping over the spot in the tile floor that he knew would make a cracking sound, Roman slowly opened one of the wooden drawers in the counter and took out a very sharp chef’s knife. His hands were trembling and he was very scared. _Will this hurt a lot? Will I accidentally cut off my hand?_ Shaking these thoughts away, he focused on the facts. _I deserve this punishment. I deserve to feel so much pain that I scream. I deserve to lose a hand. None of that’s going to happen, though. It’s just a few simple cuts._

That was a lie. _A few simple cuts._ Roman made the first slit across his wrist in a quick motion, cutting the skin cleanly. Blood welled up and dribbled down his arm. It _did_ hurt, but only about as much as a cat scratch would- most of the pain was over, but there was a lingering throbbing. _That’s not enough._ Roman continued to do this, littering cuts down his left arm all the way down to his elbow. His whole arm hurt _so badly_ , but he couldn’t stop now. _I’m a monster. Monsters deserve to feel agony._ So, he switched arms and did the same to his right one. There was a bit of blood in the sink now, and he carefully rinsed it out as well as his arms. _Where are the band-aids again?_ Opening a few cupboards, he finally found a box and used almost the entire thing, his limbs almost invisible under the multi-colored strips. _I need something to cover my arms, but I can’t get a hoodie from my room because Remus is in there…_

Deciding to deal with that in the morning, Roman went back to the couch and slept.

***

The next day was Roman’s scheduled appointment with Dr. Picani. After leaving to go to school before Remus even woke up, he found himself to be the first kid there. It was strange to see the school grounds so empty, with only one or two teachers passing between buildings. He’d made sure to wear a long-sleeve shirt today to hide all the band-aids, but he kept pulling the edges further down his hand in case they weren’t long enough. The entire school day passed by like a strange dream. Roman never spoke up, never started singing, his usual flamboyant and extra self completely flattened out like a blank slate. Not only that, but Remus kept giving him weird glances from across the room. Although Roman hated it, there was nothing he could. _It’s just more punishment that I deserve._

As soon as school was over, Roman took off from the grounds and headed downtown to Dr. Picani’s office by foot. People passed him by on the sidewalks, some even said hello, but Roman simply tried focusing solely on avoiding the cracks in the cement. He did this whenever he wanted to keep his mind off something, and it worked for the most part. His thoughts only strayed once or twice to the previous night for a few moments before he forced himself back to the important task at hand. In fact, he became so entranced in it that he almost completely breezed past the building. Making a quick 360°- wait, wasn’t it a 180°?-, Roman halted at the front door and knocked, anxiously awaiting the smiling face that would open it.

It opened after a minute or two. Dr. Picani looked down at Roman and smiled, “Ah, hello there, Roman! You’re twenty minutes early- would you mind waiting in the lobby while I finish up with my other patient? It’ll only take a few minutes, we were about to finish anyways.”

“Yeah,” Roman gave him a small nod, and he was led into the waiting room. Dr. Picani went back into one of many rooms of the office- he shared it with three other people, all of which who were also therapists- and Roman was left to hum along to _Build Me Up Buttercup_.

After what seemed to be a million years, some woman in her twenties nearly skipped out of the office with a smile on her face, and Dr. Picani peeked out from the hallway at Roman. “Alright, I’m ready for you, Roman! Come on in!” Standing up, Roman followed the tall man back into his own office, where they both sat down. Dr. Picani pulled out his notebook and meet Roman’s gaze. “I’m going to guess that something happened today or yesterday that you’re upset about? Not only did you arrive here early, but you look like you hardly slept last night and you’re acting very distracted. Would you like to talk about it?”

Roman nodded, tugging at his sleeves again. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. “Last night, right before we were going to go to bed, Remus pushed me up against a wall and… _licked_ me! Then he told me that he’d accepted that he was broken and now he was going to thrive in it, that I couldn’t hurt him anymore. I… I drove him _insane_! All during school today, he was giving me these weird looks and I…” Tears glistened in his eyes. “It’s all my fault.”

“That’s not true,” Dr. Picani set his notebook back down and gave him a stern look. “ _He_ was the one that did that, not you. Nobody made him do anything. He was the one who chose that option. You’ve been simply doing what anyone else in your situation would’ve done- you were showing him that he doesn’t get everything he wants in life. It’s not your fault that he couldn’t handle that truth. It just means he was even more spoiled than you thought he was! As for what you should do now, perhaps only words aren’t enough to put him in his place-”

“No,” he said. The doctor furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean, no?”

Staring down at the floor, Roman clenched his fists. “I’m not going to do anything else to him. I was _abusing_ him, and that was what broke him. Dr. Picani, with all due respect, the things you’ve told me to do have just made everything worse. My brother has OCD and ADHD- he doesn’t need me bullying him too. I don’t deserve the love that I want. I’m sorry, but I can’t come here anymore. It seems that the things I want to do are the wrong ones. I did _horrible_ things to Remus- I made him feel insecure, weak, and like a horrible person, none of which he deserves to feel. It’s high time I started pay for my actions. My parents will let me stop coming, since I haven’t had one of my outbursts in a while.”

Dr. Picani looked slightly alarmed. His eyes wide and his mouth slightly ajar, he took a moment to respond. He composed himself and sighed, “Alright, Roman. If you really think that is the best course of action to take, I can’t stop you. But if you’re really concerned for your brother, perhaps you could convince him to start seeing me? It seems he could use someone to help him work through some things.”

“Yes!” Roman agreed quickly. “Yes, I’ll try my best.”

***

The return journey home was long. Over and over again, guilt chipped away at Roman’s heart until nothing remained but self-loathing. He had been one of the most _awful_ people in the world! How could he have done such things to his own _brother_? What kind of monster was he? _I’m the insane one, not him._ These dark thoughts festered over him like a stormcloud, only growing and becoming worse with each passing moment.

When he finally reached his house, Roman stood at the front door for a minute or two. Once he stepped inside, his life would take a whole new turn. With all the doubts and guilt hovering in his mind, he promised to Remus one thing. _Since I controlled you, you control me now._ Everything would go Remus’s way from now on. Remus would get all the rewards, all the praise, and all the love while Roman would have to watch as punishment for his crimes. _Whatever you ask for, I will give it to you. No matter what it is._

Heading inside, Roman found his brother lying upside down on the living room couch in only his boxers. His head hung off the edge of the middle seat while his legs were bent over the top of the couch. Remus immediately crashed off the furniture when Roman came in and rushed over. “Hey, Ro! Like what you see~?”

 _How do I respond?_ “You look great today,” he headed back to their room and set down his backpack. Then he turned to Remus, who’d followed him. “Hey, Remus… about last night- and everything else. I’m really sorry about how I’ve been treating you lately. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but I promise I won’t ever say anything like that to you again. At my appointment today, I decided not to go to therapy anymore, but Dr. Picani told me to ask you that he would love to have you come over sometime. Do you want me to take you there on Wednesday?”

Remus thought for a moment and then grinned. “Sure! But on one condition.” He then pushed Roman against the same wall he had last night. _I deserve this, I deserve this, I deserve this-_ “You do a little training with me so I’ll be ready to handle my date to the dance like a pro!”

Taking in a shivering breath, with every instinct screaming at him to _stop, don’t let him do this to you, he’s your brother, this is wrong!_ , Roman nodded timidly. Remus stroked his chin gently. “Heehee! Don’t worry- we’re too young to go _that_ far.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman, Valerie, and Terrence venture out to look for the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late chapter, I accidentally forgot to post this yesterday and only remembered this morning. Thank you for your patience.

The tears just wouldn’t _stop_. They flooded down Roman’s face, wetting his hands and falling to the wooden floor beneath him. It was impossible to feel anything but the guilt, the _agony_ from what he’d done. His poor brother- what was going on in his mind? What had caused Remus to do something like this? _I should have listened to him more, maybe he was dealing with something and I didn’t notice because I’m too self-absorbed?_ That had to be it- yes, it was his fault. It _couldn’t_ have been Remus’s fault. _I’m the one in the wrong. He deserves so much better than me as a brother._ Roman was the reason for the murders today, not anybody else. He wasn’t going to make excuses for himself. _If I had just loved him, none of this would’ve happened._

“Hey,” a hand set itself onto his shoulder. “You okay, Roman?” It was Terrence. He crouched down to Roman’s level and looked up at his face, but Roman refused to look back at him. “What’s wrong, man?” _He wouldn’t understand. I don’t deserve to admit what I’m feeling right now. I deserve to feel this way._ When Roman didn’t respond, Terrence sighed and stood back up, flashing a glance at Valerie. “What happened to you guys?”

“Well,” Valerie sat down on one of the lined-up chairs, the light bulbs casting strange shadows on her face. “Roman’s brother killed that other guy, so I took off. Seems like Roman found him and believed him when he said I was the murderer. I found them on the stage over Dilara’s dead body and we managed to escape. Do you know anything about that?”

Terrence blinked and then shook his head, “No? Roman, did you and Remus kill him?”

Roman glared at him through misty eyes, “Of course not. It must’ve been somebody else. What’re you doing here, anyways? I don’t remember giving you a tracking device to find us.” He wiped the tears from his face, cracking the whip down on himself. _You don’t deserve to cry._ Terrence shrugged, “I knew that Valerie was innocent, so after everyone went their separate ways, I went to find her. I found that dead guy and didn’t know where to go, so I just started wandering. I heard voices from in here, and you know the rest.” He thought for a moment before continuing. “I guess we can just stay here until the cops show up. Anyone that runs away is going to be a prime subject for their investigation, and you both can provide evidence against Remus. We don’t wanna get arrested for doing nothing. Or is there something else that I’m forgetting?” After a moment’s hesitation, he shook his head. “Nope, I don’t think so.”

“There _is_ ,” Roman sat up, the last of his tears fading. “Not only do the others not know about Remus, but there’s another murderer running around. Remus couldn’t have killed Dilara, he was across the building with me. Nobody else knows that, though- the killer could be anyone. We have to warn them. Also, staying here could just end up with getting us killed if we’re found. Staying in one place is a bad idea- Remus will definitely be on the move to find more people.”

“How do you know that?” Valerie narrowed her eyes. “You sound like you’ve been through this before.”

Shaking his head, Roman stood up and went over to the door. “I just know my brother. Now that he’s _actually_ killed someone, I don’t think he’s going to stop. He’s always been disturbed- I just didn’t think it could possibly get this far.” _But it did because I pushed him so far. If I hadn’t said all those things, he would still be okay. He would be happy. He wouldn’t be a murderer!_ The guilt resurfaced, but he refused to dwell on it. _I need to make sure nobody suffers because of my past actions._ Since Roman was the one who caused this situation, he was going to be the one to fix it. _And if we run into Remus..._ To protect these people, he would do what needed to be done. Capturing him and handing him over to the police was the best thing to do, although he felt horrible about it. He was the one who created what Remus had become, and yet Remus was going to pay the price for it.

“Look,” Terrence bit his lip nervously, “I get what you’re saying, but right now? I’m kinda worried about _our_ safety, not anyone else’s. I don’t want to do any self-sacrificial shit. There’s a psychopath out there- no, _two_ psychopaths- and we could run into either one! If we stay in here and hear someone coming, at least we can hide.”

“No, Roman’s right,” Valerie put a hand on her hip. “We can’t just let those people get slaughtered, that’s not the right thing to do. I mean, we’re only three people- there are a lot of more of them to die than there are of us. And saving a bunch of people might convince the police that we’re not the murderers.”

None of them spoke for a long few moments. Then Terrence heaved a sigh, “Fine, we can go. But if I see your brother, Roman? I’m high-tailing it out of there. I’m not gonna stick around to get killed. You might be all heroic, but I care about living a lot more than I care to be a good person.” He made his way over to Roman. “Let’s go, then.”

The three of them stepped out into the hallway again, tensing for any signs of danger. There were none; the whole area was completely silent. Looking left and then right, Roman took a left and they started walking. They all were quiet, for fear of alerting someone of their presence. _I don’t like this._ For the past 10 years, Roman had been accompanied by Remus, who was the _opposite_ of quiet. It was strange to have a moment of hush, without someone slowly munching on deodorant. _Y’know… actually, this is nice._ It was new and different, but that didn’t make it a bad thing. _I’m going to have to get used to this anyways if Remus is gonna get arrested._

“Hey,” Valerie tapped his arm after a bit, when it had become apparent they were safe for the time being. He looked over at her and she extended the sword to him, “You should have this. I know you said you didn’t want it earlier, but I really think you should have it. It fits your style more than mine. Also, I just…” she shivered. “Sorry for chopping off your brother’s finger.”

“It’s alright,” he smiled a little. “He’s probably excited about it now that he’s gotten used to the pain. When we were younger, he broke his foot and liked the angle of it so much that he wanted to break the other one too. So, a missing finger isn’t that bad.”

Terrence made a weird sound that was in between a groan and an “ewwww”. “That does _not_ sound like something a normal person would think. And what’s this about cutting off Remus’s finger? Valerie, I didn’t know you could be so… _cut_ -throat.”

“I swear to _God_ , Terrence,” Valerie rolled her eyes. “If you make another pun, I will do the same thing to you. Anyways, Roman, take the sword! I don’t want to take the blame for chopping off Remus’s finger when the police get here, and they’ll naturally think the person with the sword did it.” She winked at Roman, whose eyebrows raised in mock shock. “You would throw me under the bus, just like that? Wow, you’re a _really_ good friend. I know just who to shove into Remus the next time we run into him.”

They all laughed together, enjoying the fleeting moment of calm they had for the time being. _I hope we all make it out._ Maybe if they all survived and Remus was arrested, Roman could have his first friends in over a decade. It would be so incredible! He could be around people that enjoyed him, that liked _him_ and not Remus. Quickly, he squashed down that old egotistical idea that he’d used to think about constantly. _Remus deserves more love than me, and he always has. They’ll leave me when they realize who I really am._

As they turned the corner, they saw a man running down the corridor. He looked disheveled, his long blonde hair streaking behind him like an anime character. Stumbling to a halt in front of the trio, he put his hands on his knees and bent over, breathing heavily. _He’s one of the other cast members! Finally, we can warn someone!_ “Hey,” Roman looked down at the top of the man’s head. “We’re lucky to have found you! We’re trying to find everyone so we can warn them about the murderers. Unfortunately-”

“Get away!” the man shrieked, whipping out a dagger and taking a few paces back. His eyes gleamed bright green, his face in a scowl. “I won’t believe your lies! We all know you’re the killer- you snuck off to attack the restroom party! You killed Jerry! So, if you come a step closer, I will slice your throat. Any one of you! You two are probably in it too- and your weird brother!” Narrowing his eyes, the man moved his dagger around to point it at each of them. Valerie heaved a sigh, “We’re not killers- well, at least not us three. Roman’s brother, Remus, is the one who killed- Jerry, was it? We’re trying to warn people about him, and that there’s another murderer too! We don’t know who yet, but they’re around here somewhere.”

“Like I’d believe you!” Before anything else could be said, though, a spine-chilling scream echoed down the hallway. Terrence let out a little gasp and Valerie’s eyes widened. _Remus._ Fight or flight instincts kicked in, but running seemed like a better option as there was an armed man blocking their path. As they turned on their heels and started sprinting, the man yelled, “Hey, where do you think you’re going? I’m going to tell the police about all of you!”

 _That’s not really important right now._ Roman wasn’t sure which way to go- they were backtracking now. _This won’t get us anywhere!_ In a spontaneous decision, he turned left and hoped that Remus wasn’t in that direction. This was the hallway, that led back to the bathrooms. He mentally prepared himself for the sight of Jerry’s dead body. _Just another reminder of how terrible I am._ If anyone deserved to be arrested for murder, it was him. He was responsible for Remus’s mental state, which was what made Remus kill people. _I’m the indirect reason for everyones’ deaths. This is all my fault!_ Screams echoed after them, making his blood turn to ice.

Valerie suddenly grabbed Roman and Terrence by their wrists and dragged them towards a door. “Let’s hide in here!” She ripped the door open and threw herself inside, the other two following her as there wasn’t anything better to do.

It was an office room, with white walls and black cubicles containing small spaces for workers. _Well, isn’t this bleak?_ The thought of working in a place like this made Roman cringe. A desk job was his nightmare. When he was younger, his parents had expected him to become a businessman, to earn money for the family because Remus couldn’t. After the biggest fight with Roman of their lives, they had agreed that perhaps him going with Remus to Manhattan would be a good thing- Remus needed someone to look after him, after all. _It’s always been about Remus, about what he needs, about his happiness, never mine- but that’s the way it should be._ In fact, Roman would’ve listened to his parents if Remus had not asked him to come with him. Living with him was what was going to make him happy, so Roman had fought for it. _If only I could fight for what_ I _want instead…_

Valerie, Terrence, and Roman weren’t the only ones in the office, though. There were four others already crowded together in the back. When the trio entered, they all whipped their heads around, their eyes wide with terror. One of them, a woman with a dark red crop cut, pulled out a pistol and pointed it straight at Roman’s head. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Terrence waved his arms around. “We’re not here to hurt you! Put the gun down, please! Where’d you even get that!?”

The woman scoffed, “I always carry one because I’m not an idiot. How about I’ll put it down if you drop the sword? I don’t even wanna know where you got something like that.” She clutched the gun tightly in her grip, her finger hovering over the trigger. Roman’s adrenaline was pumping hard. _I’m going to get shot._ Uncurling his fingers from the hilt, the katana hit the floor with a loud _clang!_ The woman nodded and lowered the gun. “Alright. What are you guys doing here? You’re the ones that took off, aren’tcha? Everyone’s been wondering if you’re the murderers. Would you mind clarifying what’s going on?”

Valerie glanced at Terrence and Roman before speaking. “Remus- Roman’s brother- murdered Jerry, so I went to hide. Eventually, I ran into Roman and Remus and managed to get Roman out of there. Terrence found us a little later and told us there’s another murderer besides Remus out there. I thought you all scattered- are there more groups like us?” _I guess Terrence was wrong._ The woman shrugged, “More or less. I’m Laila, and these two are Spencer and Travis.” The two men behind her waved, and she crossed her arms. “So, two killers, huh?”

“Remus and I discovered Dilara’s body on the stage,” Roman explained. “It would’ve been impossible for him to be there before then. We have no idea who it could’ve been, but there was that guy we just ran into with that dagger.” He frowned, “It might’ve been him, actually. Unfortunately, he was just murdered by Remus. He didn’t want to run away with us.”

Spencer sat down on a desk, rubbing at his face in exhaustion and frustration. “What are we supposed to do now? Do we wait for the police to show up or do we get the heck outta here? They don’t know exactly who is here, and I for one don’t want to get murdered. And do we really want to just assume some person with a weapon was the other killer? That might be a bad idea, considering there are probably still some other people left.”

Valerie shook her head, “No, it was probably him. He was acting kind of weird. Also, we’re not leaving- the others need to be warned about Remus. We’ve got a sword and Remus has a mace; I’d say that’s pretty good odds of being able to defend ourselves. If you guys join us, we’ll be unstoppable! Come on, we can’t just leave everyone else to die. They deserve better than that.” Roman nodded in agreement, but everyone else gave each other reluctant looks. _Are we really the only ones who want to help others?_ He desperately let out a sound of surprise, “Are you all serious? What kind of people are you? If you were one of them, wouldn’t you want somebody to save you? They need our help- I can’t believe you’re not even willing to try to give it. We have the power to capture Remus and protect everyone else, or at least tell them about him. It’s our duty to do something.”

Glaring at him, Spencer crossed his arms. “No, it really isn’t. I bet if we had the police on the phone right now, they would tell us to stay put. We don’t have to do _anything_. Protecting ourselves is our most important priority. Leave like an idiot if you want to- I’m staying here.”

 _If it’s just Valerie and me, we might get killed._ Roman looked at everyone else, his face displaying the despair he felt. After a few moments, Laila spoke up. “Okay, I’ll go. Come on, Travis, he’s right. We can’t just let everyone else die- that’d be almost as bad as killing them ourselves.” She looked slightly worried, but she seemed resolved in her decision. Travis gave a solid nod and went over to the door to wait. Terrence, the last one remaining, did not meet Roman’s eyes until he finally answered, “Alright, Roman. I’m only doing this cause you are.”

“Splendid!” Roman smiled a little, “Let’s go save some defenseless citizens!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new team leave their office and go out looking for other people.

Laila, Travis, Roman, Valerie, and Terrence all left the office room, leaving Spencer behind. Roman felt something at the pit of his stomach telling him that, _no, Spencer isn’t going to make it._ If Remus found him, there was no way he could survive without aid. _Why couldn’t he just listen to us? Why couldn’t he do something so simple as to save himself?_

Once again, Roman fell into his deep thoughts. Walking through the large building was quite boring, especially when he’d already been through these halls before. In fact, they were heading back towards the stage. _Is Remus still there?_ No- no, he would’ve gone to search for other people. _Right?_ Fear was building up inside him, and he subconsciously pulled at the edges of his sleeves. The need to cut at his wrists and arms was hard to keep down, especially with the sword in his hand, but he couldn’t just stop walking and start doing it. There were more important things to do. _Aren’t I getting punished enough as it is?_

No- as soon as this was over, Roman would make sure he paid the full price for what he’d done. A decade of pain wasn’t enough to pay for those six months of abuse. His punishment would last a lifetime, even if Remus was sent to jail. _It’s my fault if he is. I turned him into this._ There was a voice in the back of his head that whispered, _If anyone has been abused, it’s been me! Not only by myself but by Remus! Yes, I did terrible things to Remus, but I realized my mistake and made the biggest effort anyone could to make it right to a fault! I don’t want to suffer anymore because of Remus!_ Roman simply dismissed this voice as his selfishness rearing up. _But I_ deserve _to suffer. Bad people should have bad things done to them, and vice versa._

As they rounded the next bend, they all halted. In front of the group of five were two mutilated bodies, unrecognizable. Parts of their skin had been torn off to reveal the muscles and bones beneath. Their clothes were torn, and their blood had dried onto the floor beneath them. Most notably, though, was the fact that both were missing an eye. Terrence squeezed his eyes shut while Travis made a guttural sound of dismay. Valerie and Laila seemed less disturbed, although Laila averted her gaze. “Well,” the redhead murmured quietly, “Guess your brother’s still running rampant. There’s only four other people here- we need to find them quickly. That, or we find Remus first and secure him for the police.” She looked over her shoulder to look at Roman. “Well? You seem to be the leader of your trio, what do you think?”

 _Shit._ What should he say? _Why do I have to be the one to decide?_ Now he would have to choose between protecting others or stopping Remus from dealing anymore damage. It would certainly be more painful to hand Remus over to the police. _We’ll do that, then._ “We should find Remus. He’ll just get to the people we don’t find.” He clenched the sword in his hand a bit tighter. Valerie seemed to understand his dread and put a hand on his shoulder, saying quietly, “It’s not your fault that this happened.”

“You have no idea what’s my fault.” Roman, unable to meet her gaze, started marching forward. He heard the others’ footsteps behind him, and he grimaced slightly. _They follow me blindly. I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m the villain here, not Remus. I’m the one they should give to the police. I’m the one they should blame._ They didn’t know the first thing about why this was happening, about the reasons for Remus acting out like this. _If they knew, they would punish me for the deaths I’ve caused._ Maybe he should just tell them everything? Then he would get the punishment he deserved. Yet every time he was about to open his mouth to speak, his instincts would kick in and prevent him from doing so. _I don’t want to die._

They soon reached the backstage area. Passing by the bodies of Delores and Olaf, they reached the other side and slipped out from behind the curtain. Roman looked across the stage; Dilara was still lying on the wooden floorboards, but nobody else was in sight. He turned around to look at the others. Terrence and Laila had followed him while Valerie and Travis were still coming through. _Maybe we-_ Suddenly, with a loud _CRASH!!_ the entire metal bar holding up the curtains collapsed from above and landed squarely on Valerie and Travis, crushing them beneath it. “VALERIE!!” Roman screamed, rushing over to her to see if she was possibly alright. Terrence was right there beside him while Laila stood back, a hand over her mouth in shock. The bar had landed on the two victims’ heads, blood seeping from their skulls, and they weren’t moving. _Oh my God. They’re dead._ Roman stumbled backwards, raising his sword in defense. _That wouldn’t have fallen without any intervention._

That familiar cackling resonated throughout the auditorium, and Remus appeared out from behind the wreckage that was now the curtains. He slowly clapped his hands, his mouth quirked in a lopsided grin. A mace hung from the belt around his waist. “Wow, that was an even greater show than I thought it would be! It took a while to make that bar unstable, but it was completely worth it to see that lady perish!”

“Remus!” Roman kept his sword up, but the fight had evaporated from him. _I can’t hurt my own brother. I can’t do that to him._ “Please, just tell me why you’re doing this! We can work this out, I can help you. Whatever triggered this? I can get rid of it. But if you keep killing people, you’ll get in too much trouble to get out of. I won’t be able to save you this time unless you _let_ me save you. Please, just this _one time_ , _listen_ to me!”

Making an audible _hmmmm_ sound, Remus took the mace from his mace and started swinging it around. “Nah- I thought you were supposed to do everything _I_ told _you_ to do, no exceptions. Because you owe me, y’know? For abusing me when we were just little kids? Bad people like that deserve to lose everything.” Walking forward until he stood nose-to-nose with Roman, he giggled. “The difference between you and I- who are both bad people- is that _I don’t care,_ and _you do_. I don’t care if I end up in jail or in a mental asylum because killing and hurting people is so much fun, and I can do that anywhere. But you? You hurt people without even trying. That’s why you were going to be the weapon before my hinges broke.”

 _The weapon?_ “What the fuck are you talking about? What weapon?” Roman’s heart was skipping beats, confusion apparent on his face. He had so many questions, and he was scared because Remus was holding a mace and could clobber him at any second-

“Hey!” Laila said gruffly, pulling Remus away from him and pointing her gun at Remus’s head. “Leave him alone and put down the mace, or I’ll shoot your brains out.”

Letting out a laugh, Remus glanced over at Terrence. “Do you want me to kill her or do you want to do it? I mean, you did a pretty good job at murdering Dilara and not leaving a trace. I’m sure you good get away with killing this lady too!” He smiled as Terrence’s jaw dropped, spluttering out unintelligible words. _Wait,_ Terrence _killed Dilara!? How, when!?_ Terrence clenched his fists. “I did what I had to. She attacked me, it was in self-defense, it wasn’t my fault! It was an accident!”

“What, strangling someone? You can’t do that by accident. Your inner demon came out!”

“Shut it, mustache!” Laila pressed the muzzle of her pistol against the side of Remus’s head. “If you say another word, I _will_ shoot you! Put. The mace. Down.” She clicked the safety off. _Oh my God, she’s gonna kill Remus!_ Roman couldn’t keep quiet, “Laila, stop it!”

In a moment’s time, Remus used Roman’s half-second distraction to knock the gun from Laila’s hand and swing his mace upwards, crashing it into her face. Laila flew backwards and hit the stage with a _crack!_ Her body was completely still, her face crushed in from the damage and blood dripping into her hair. Roman’s mind went blank, excluding one thought. _You just got Laila killed._ He was frozen to the spot, and Remus was approaching him. _I’ll let him kill me. I don’t deserve to live anymore. And if heaven and hell are real, I should go to the very bottom depths of hell and never see the light of day ever again._

Unfortunately, Terrence grabbed his arm and dragged him further away from his brother. “Don’t come near us!” he shouted at Remus, taking the sword from Roman and holding it in front of them. Remus simply let out another laugh- _that ringing laugh that Roman could never get out of his head_ \- and held out his mace. “I got this from the prop room, you see- I’m guessing that’s where you got that sword. Aren’t we both glad this theatre cares about realism? I actually really like this mace- I’ll probably keep it after all this! There’s so many things I could do with it, and people to kill! And I know just who to start with.” He began stalking towards them. _Come on, Terrence, just leave me. Run._ Of course, Terrence wasn’t going to do that. Instead, Terrence gritted his teeth and ran to meet Remus, swinging his sword. _Clang!_ Remus blocked with his mace, setting them in a deadlock. Roman simply watched from about twenty feet away, not knowing what to do. _Do I intervene or run?_ No, he couldn’t be a coward anymore. No running. _Thump!_ Remus kicked Terrence to the ground and got ready to bring his mace down. _No, not Terrence!_ Sprinting forward, Roman tackled his brother and their tumbled to the ground, with Roman on top of Remus. Remus smirked, “It seems the tables have turned~”

Recoiling in disgust, Roman leaped back to his feet and dragged Terrence back up, who took the sword. “We can’t win this by ourselves,” he said to Terrence. “Come on, we have to go!” As Remus was standing up, the duo took off the stage and back into the depths of the building, this time going out the right side of the stage instead of the left. Roman didn’t know where to go, just that they had to get away from his brother. _This is getting tiring…_ He hadn’t done this much exercise in a while, even though getting fit had always been a dream of his. His dreams- all of them- had been put aside. _I wish I’d gone to the gym even a_ little _bit! Hopefully, Remus isn’t following us._ He was sure that Remus could catch up to them if he wanted to, but he might have other plans. _He set up that trap for us- he might make another one._

They kept running, on and on and on. It felt more like a dream than reality. Roman had done this so much that by now it felt normal, like this was what he was going to be doing for the rest of his life. Fleeing from murderers, fleeing from his own _brother_. It was something he’d wanted to do for so long- to get away from Remus- but had never done. At this point, he didn’t know where they were. _Just keep going._

“Hey,” Terrence stopped and pointed to the door of the men’s’ bathroom. “Let’s hide in here for now. It’ll be easier to find us if we stay out in the open.” He pushed open the door and Roman followed, looking over his shoulder to make sure Remus wasn’t anywhere near. The hallway was empty. _Let’s just hope he doesn’t check every room he passes by._

The bathroom wasn’t too pretty. There were only three stalls, and the beige-painted walls were chipping away. A single porcelain sink was opposing the stalls. _This room is pretty old._ Terrence carefully sat on the edge of the sink and sighed. “There’s only four more people left now. I knew this would happen! I said we should just hide and wait, but everyone else wanted to be moral and go save people. See where that got us! I always tell myself that my gut knows what to do, but I never listen! Then I get into messes like this- well, definitely not as bad- and there’s no way out of it without any trouble! What are we supposed to do now?”

“I… I don’t know.” Roman leaned against the wall. Facing Remus head-on had been the ultimate disaster. _Valerie…_ One of his first friends in a decade was dead. _It was all my fault. If we had just left, none of this would’ve happened. But I’m so obsessed with being a hero that I couldn’t resist trying to save people. Remus is right… I hurt people without even trying. It’s all I seem capable of doing. Why can’t I just do something good for once? Why can’t I do something that can make someone proud, that can make someone love me?_ He could feel the tears coming back, but he refused to cry. _Not like this. Not in front of Terrence. Not right now._

Unfortunately, Terrence noticed his distress and got off the sink, coming over to him and hugging him. “It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out. This must be really hard for you- to know that your brother has killed so many people. I can’t imagine what that’s like, but I can guess it’s sucks. You don’t need to talk about, just know that I’m here for you, okay? You’re my friend now, and friends care about each other. You don’t need Remus. From how he was talking earlier, I get the feeling he isn’t a good brother at all.”

“You have no _idea_ what a bad brother is,” Roman croaked out. “If one of us is the bad brother, it’s me. I’ve done horrible things to him. All of this is my fault- if I had just _loved_ him, he wouldn’t have ever gotten this far. He would’ve gotten help. I will never be able to make it up to him. I don’t deserve the chance to.”

“No, no,” Terrence pulled back slightly to look at Roman’s face. “Don’t say that. Roman, your brother is the one who decided to kill a bunch of people. That was his choice. Did you tell him to do it? Did you?” When Roman shook his head, Terrence nodded. “See? You didn’t tell him to do anything. He made that decision on his own. Yeah, you might have made him have a reason to, but he was the one that acted. You didn’t do _anything wrong_.” He gave Roman a small smile. “Okay? And I doubt you did anything like make sexually implied comments towards him like he did back there. I’m sure you made some bad mistakes, but I also don’t think that they were as bad as the ones that Remus is making.”

“You don’t know what I did.”

“I don’t need to know because I know _you_ , Roman.”

To be honest, Roman really wanted to kiss Terrence right now. He was _right there_ , and he was being so kind, and hell, if telling Roman that it was okay to make mistakes wasn’t because he had feelings for Roman, Roman didn’t know what was. Terrence was looking into his eyes, still smiling. _Is this what a romantic moment is like?_ Roman didn’t have a clue, even though his favorite genre of movie was rom-com. _Should I kiss him? Would he be okay with that? Is that really important right now? What if Remus comes in?_ The thought of Remus brought back a disturbing memory. Remus had accused Terrence of murdering Dilara, and Terrence… he’d _admitted_ to it! _Terrence… is the other murderer. He killed someone- he lied to me and Valerie! He even said that he’d left the backstage by the front stage, right where Dilara was killed!_ Well, kissing him was definitely out of the question now. _I… I have to turn him into the police. My feelings don’t matter- justice must be served._

“Terrence,” he stared back into Terrence’s eyes. “We’re not leaving this bathroom until you tell me what happened to Dilara. I want the truth- only honest answers.”

His eyes widening in surprise, Terrence took a step back. He then took a deep breath.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Terrence have a fight, and Roman makes a mistake.

“Okay,” Terrence looked down at the ground. He took a moment before speaking again. “Yeah, I killed Dilara. After Olaf got killed, I decided to make a run for it. Everyone else stayed backstage to split into groups so they could find you, Valerie, Remus, and Jerry- everyone except Dilara. She went after me and before I could leave the stage, she accused me of being the murderer and started attacking me. Neither of us were fighters, so we wrestled a bit before she pulled out a knife.” He looked back up at Roman. “I- I didn’t know what to do. I was scared she was gonna kill me. So, I tackled her and tried to suffocate her into unconsciousness but… I… I went too far. Then she was dead, and I realized I’d just _murdered_ someone, so I ran. I knew there was another killer out there and that it couldn’t be Valerie, so I tried to find her. I was gonna tell her because I knew she’d understand, but then you were there, and I didn’t know if I could trust you. So, I didn’t say anything.”

 _He… he’s a murderer. A real killer._ Roman remained quiet, simply staring at Terrence. Terrence looked extremely nervous, as if he feared what Roman might do or say. Neither of them moved or said anything for the longest time before Roman said quietly, “You do realize I have to turn you into the police, right?”

The nervousness displayed on Terrence’s face turned into full-blown panic. “Y-You don’t have to! It was an accident! I-I’m not like Remus, I didn’t kill her because I like killing! _She_ was going to kill _me_ if I didn’t do anything! Mistakes happen- please, Roman!” His grip that was still clutching the sword tightened. _Is he going to kill me too!?_ This situation was turning for the worse, and Roman had no idea how to handle it. _If I try to knock him unconscious, he’ll just cut me into pieces! I have to be careful about this._ Murderers couldn’t be allowed to roam free; if they got off once, the idea that they might be able to do it again without consequences was likely to come up. _I’m so sorry, Terrence…_ Why did it have to be this way? Why did Roman have to give up the one friend he had? _Why do I have to turn on a cute guy like him?_ “Terrence…” he trailed off. Then he steeled himself, “I’m sorry. But you killed someone, and I can’t just let you go. You didn’t have to kill Dilara- if you’d just disarmed her, you could’ve calmed her down.”

“Roman, please!” Terrence lifted the sword just a bit, his guard up. “There wasn’t anything I could’ve done! I told you, it was an accident. I’m not gonna risk getting killed for someone else’s sake! Please, just believe me, it doesn’t have to be this way! When the police arrive, we can tell them Remus did it and we’ll both be in the clear.”

“You don’t get it,” Roman shook his head, wishing he didn’t have to do this. _I can’t let him go free, though. Justice must be upheld. He killed someone, and now he has to be pay the consequences. He’s a bad guy now._ “Terrence… you _murdered_ someone, whether it was intentional or not. There are laws in place for a reason. You could’ve resolved things with Dilara peacefully, but you didn’t. You killed another human being.”

“N-No!” His friend took another step away from him. Terrence then scowled. “Alright, fine! But if _I’m_ guilty for killing someone, then _you_ are too! I killed someone accidentally, and you’re apparently responsible for your brother going insane. That sounds about equal weight of guiltiness, don’tcha think? So, if you turn me in to the police, then you should do the same to yourself!” Seemingly proud of catching Roman in hypocrisy, he raised an eyebrow. _He’s right… if he should go to jail, so should I._ Clenching his hands into fists tightly, Roman sighed. “Yeah. So, we have a deal then? I’ll turn myself in and claim to have murdered Jerry, while you do the same for Dilara.”

Another moment of tense silence stretched between them. Terrence stared at him, his jaw slightly ajar, his eyes confused and slightly sad-looking. His pride and anger faded, and he finally said, “Roman, I… I didn’t mean that. I just don’t want to go to jail- please, you can understand that, right? I didn’t kill Dilara because I hated her or because I’m evil, I did it to make sure I lived!” Closing his eyes for a few moments, he whispered, “Please.”

 _They’ll know it was him either way._ “Terrence, it won’t matter either way. Your fingerprints are all over Dilara, they’ll know it was you whether or not I turn you in. You’ll be better off just letting it happen- it’ll reduce your sentence. I’m sorry, but it has to be this way.” _Why did today have to be this way? Why today, out of all days? If Remus had lost control tomorrow, I wouldn’t have to betray Terrence. Maybe we could’ve loved each other… maybe I could have been happy._ Roman then reminded himself that being happy wasn’t allowed. _No, this is for the best. I deserve to have to do this. I deserve to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry, Terrence. I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I can’t do anything about it._ All the words he wished he could say remained silent, each one a pinprick of pain to his heart.

For a moment, Terrence didn’t do anything. Then in a split second, he turned around and lunged for the door. _He’s trying to escape!_ Before Roman could even think about what he was doing, he leapt forward and grabbed him, throwing him away from the door. Terrence crashed into one of the stalls and let out a, “huff!” He took in a quick breath and lifted his sword, blocking Roman’s way to get to him. “Roman, I’m not going to ask you again. Let me go.”

Roman quickly sidled over to the door, preventing Terrence from making any sudden moves. “I know you think this will save you, but it will only make things worse. I’m trying to help you! Please, just trust me. Put down the sword and we can talk about this.”

“I don’t want to go to jail for something I didn’t mean to do!” Terrence yelled, his face the picture of determination. “This is crazy! There’s no reason why I should go to jail! Someone accused me of being a murderer and was going to kill me for it, so yeah, I defended myself! I’m not going to let my life get ruined because of some freak day! They won’t find out it was me- they’ll assume it was Remus, he’s the serial killer!”

“If you tell them that, they might understand!” Roman could feel his whole body shaking. His willpower was starting to give out. _Can I really do this?_ “If you tell them it was accident, they might let you go off with minimal charges, considering how crazy today has been! But if you run, everything will just end up being worse. You _know_ that, just listen to me!”

They stood there at an impasse, staring each other down. Eventually, Terrence seemed to give in. He lowered the sword and gave a little nod. “Alright, alright.” Roman let out a sigh of relief, loosening up a little. _Thank goodness!_ Then Terrence sprang forward, shoving Roman aside and grabbing the large silver door handle. _No!_ Once again, Roman snatched at Terrence’s wrist, ripping him backwards and throwing him against the opposite wall. _Crack!_ Terrence let out a short scream, dropping the sword with a loud _clang!_ and cradling his arm. He glowered up at Roman, “Y-You broke my arm!” Stumbling forward, he threw a weak punch at Roman, but Roman caught his arm and grabbed Terrence’s shoulders. _What am I supposed to do? He’s not going to turn himself in willingly, I have to knock him out!_ How was he going to do that? _Knock his head on the sink?_ In the heat of the moment, he smashed Terrence’s head against the porcelain sink. Unsurprisingly, Terrence instantly went limp and Roman carefully laid him against the wall. Setting him up in a relaxed position, Roman noticed that his forehead now had a gash in it. Blood was welling up, dripping down his nose and into his eyes. _Oh no._ A dark sense of dread slowly began to resonate through Roman’s very cells. _No, no, no!_ “Terrence, wake up.”

He didn’t move.

It seemed like everything was spiraling. Everything was going wrong, _no this isn’t right, I couldn’t have done this._ None of this was possible- no, Roman couldn’t have _murdered_ Terrence. No, Terrence was just knocked out, he was fine, _everything is fine._ _That couldn’t have happened._ And yet that numbness was creeping into his mind, and he found himself sitting in front of Terrence, clutching his still hand. There were no words to speak; could Terrence really hear him? Roman simply watched that scarlet plasma catch on Terrence’s chin and then fall onto his blue T-shirt. _Drip, drip, drip._

Roman had no idea how much time passed. Whether it was five minutes or an hour, there was no telling. His whole mind had shut down, trying to process what this all meant, trying to figure out _what had happened_. Yes, Terrence had been acting irrationally, but concluding needing to bang his head on a porcelain sink? Had it really escalated that fast? _He was defenseless- I broke his arm and he dropped the sword. I didn’t need to do anything else. We could’ve stopped fighting and resumed talking. Why did I do that to him? Why didn’t I stop myself? Why did I have to go that far? I murdered him. Terrence is dead and it’s all my fault._

This… all of this- every moment of this day had been caused by Roman, either indirectly or by his own hands. Remus had been driven insane by _his abuse_ , and all those people had been killed by Remus. Valerie, Travis, and Laila were dead because of _his plan_ to capture Remus for the police and warn the others. And now? Terrence was dead because Roman had _lost control_ and become so obsessed with righting the wrong that had been such a simple mistake. _I did the exact thing Terrence did with Dilara, except he wasn’t trying to kill me. If I thought Terrence should go to jail, then I should at_ least _do the same. No- I’ve done an innumerable amount of horrible, horrible things. I deserve far, far worse. I deserve punishment for eternity, and then? The most painful, slow death imaginable in a soundproof room so not a single person can hear me screaming. I’ll be alone forever, with not a single person to love me. Nobody does anyone. Nobody loves me, and they shouldn’t. I only cause everyone harm and sadness. Everyone suffers because of me. None of them deserve that. Mom, Dad, and Remus deserved so much better._

The sword was still on the floor, lying idle. Its blade gleamed in the dull light that the light overhead emitted. Roman knew it was extremely sharp- if Valerie chopping Remus’s pinkie finger wasn’t any indication, he didn’t know what was. Its hilt was painted gold, and the handle was a shiny silvery color. It looked like a sword out of a fairy tale. He supposed it must’ve been used in that type of play. _The type of play we were going to perform in two months…_ The role that Roman had denied was the prince who was trying to rescue the son of another king so the son could recommend him to his sister, the princess, for marriage. Unfortunately, in a modern turn of events, the two princes fall in love and end up marrying each other. Of course, Roman had refused the role and had instead been casted as one of the two kings. Oh, how he _dreamed_ of playing the role of a gay prince in a fairy tale, and yet he’d had to turn it away for his brother. _It doesn’t matter anyway- there definitely won’t be a play after today._ Roman crawled over to the sword. It probably would’ve been used as the prince’s sword. Maybe Valerie was right- it fit his style. _Nobody will care if I take this, anyways._ Nobody was going to stop him because everyone was dead, except for about five people, including himself and Remus.

Picking up the sword, Roman used his non-dominant right hand to roll up his sleeves. His arms were absolutely covered in cuts from earlier that morning, from right before they had left the apartment. Usually, he only cut early in the morning and late at night, but today was not his usual day per say. Today, his very own brother had become a serial killer, Roman had witnessed more deaths than he had in his entire lifetime, and he’d become a murderer _himself_. _I killed the first man to ever care about me._ Roman wished he could just use the sword to commit seppuku, to die knowing that all the pain he caused would end. _I deserve more punishment first, and Remus is still loose. I can’t let him hurt any more people._

So, he lifted the sword and sliced at his arm. Blood welled up almost instantly, and with that single cut he could feel the world dull a little bit. This was familiar, this wasn’t something crazy. This was something he could _control_. This punishment, he could keep it up until there was nothing left of him but bone and his beating heart. With every slit, Roman felt triumph. He was punishing the one who deserved it. This was justice! This was justice for everyone who’d ever suffered because of Roman’s actions. There was blood on the floor, blood on his clothes, but he didn’t care. All this pain, it was for a good reason. _Because I fucking deserve every bit of it. Because if I’m not going to die, then I should be screaming every moment that I’m alive._

Suddenly, from his back pocket, his phone started ringing. Roman paused his punishment, setting the sword down and pulling his device out. Someone was calling him; a picture of a pirate had appeared on-screen with the name “Dukey” underneath it. _Remus._ “Dukey” was the contact name Remus had personally requested back when they first got their phones, and so it had remained ever since. _What should I do? Pick it up? Let it ring?_ Closing his eyes and preparing himself for whatever Remus had in store for him, Roman pressed the green button and put the phone up to the side of his head. “Remus?”

“Oh, goodie!” high-pitched giggling rolled into his ears. “You picked up! I half expected you wouldn’t, but good! We’ve got some catching up to do, don’t we? Last time we ran into each other, that guy took you away before we could have any _real_ fun! Well, you know, I had to entertain myself _somehow_ , so I went and searched the building for any other lucky people. You wouldn’t believe it! I found the last three crew members! Yeah, we had fun for a while, but I’m _bored_ now! Why don’t you come back to the stage and we can play some games just like we used to? I get the feeling these games will be a lot more interesting!”

A million questions flooded Roman’s head at once. _What does he want to do? Is he going to kill me? If those three are dead, am I the only one alive?_ Should he go? _What will happen if I don’t?_ There were so many risks… and yet, there wasn’t anything else to do. He had already been planning to find Remus and turn him into the police- this just quickened the plan. “A-Alright,” Roman managed to croak out. “Y-Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Yay! I’m so happy you came around! Don’t worry, this will be absolutely worth it.”

With that, the call ended. Roman lowered his phone and put it back in his pocket. He remained sitting there, staring at the now blood-stained floor. Should he leave right now? _Will Remus come looking for me if I take too long?_ Deciding to give himself a few minutes before the inevitable showdown, he made a few more cuts on his arms before rolling his sleeves back down and standing up. He rinsed the sword off in the sink, the blood spiraling down into the drain and disappearing. He then looked up into the small mirror that rested on the wall above it. There was his face; his sleek ginger hair, his glowing amber eyes, his solid nose, all of it. It was him.

Roman had no idea what the fate was of that man staring back at him.


	9. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman goes off to meet his fate in a final showdown with Remus.

_Maybe I_ should _just die,_ Roman thought to himself as he stared into the mirror. At the imperfections that marked his arms. At the healed holes on either side of the bridge his nose where Remus had stapled it when they were 15 to give him more “character”. _All of it._ The person in the mirror had done so many terrible things, and yet… they looked like they had suffered so much. Like they had gone through unspeakable wrongs, things that didn’t need to be done. Things they could’ve stopped if they’d wanted to. _Maybe I should take pity on them. If I kill them, they don’t have to continue suffering. I can give them mercy._

There was a sword on the floor. He’d thought about committing seppuku earlier with it and had tossed the idea away, but now… _If I keep living, I’ll just make more mistakes and keep hurting people. I’m sure my death will be more than enough to satisfy Remus._ No, no, no… Roman couldn’t do it now. Remus still needed to be apprehended. But once he was secured, Roman could do it before the police arrived. _Do I have enough time?_ Surely, he did, right? He _had_ to. _I can’t go on like this for even another day. This is all too much… if Terrence had to die for his actions, then I should too. That’s the only just way to go about this._

Before Roman left the bathroom to meet his fate, though, he took out his phone again and dialed 911. _I need to tell the police about what’s going on._ It ringed a couple times and then someone picked up. A woman’s voice came over the line, “911, what’s your emergency?”

“Hi,” Roman managed to speak, the word feeling like it was dragged out of him. “I’m Roman Sanders. I’m at the Angelica Theatre right now. I need to tell you about everything. A lot has happened. The police aren’t here yet, and they need to- they need to know before they get here.” When the woman murmured a “go on”, he continued. “The murderer is- was- my twin brother, Remus Sanders. And he has been killing the rest of us off. But we- Valerie Torres-Rosario, and Terrence Williams Jr., and I- figured out there was another killer. Well, Terrence knew because it was him. It was in self-defense, someone attacked him, it got messy, and he accidentally killed Dilara. I don’t know her last name, but her name was Dilara. Remus called me a few minutes ago and told me to meet him at the stage. I’m going to go there and catch him for the police. Everyone else is dead.”

“Sir,” the woman’s voice became much more alarmed. “Don’t go. It could be a trap.”

“It is,” he clenched his fist, forcing himself not to cry. “I know it’s a trap. I know that Remus will try to kill me. But that doesn’t matter because my life is forfeit. After I found out Terrence killed Dilara, I tried to knock him out so I could hand him over to the police, but I… I cracked his head open and now he’s dead. I’m a murderer. Either way, I’m going to die. Either Remus will kill me, or I will once I’ve caught him. I’m not going to let Remus get away! And I’m not going to let myself hurt any more people. Everything that happened today was my fault- I need to pay for it.” Before the woman on the other end could say anything else, Roman hung up and put his phone away. There was nothing else to say; it was time for Roman to die. Taking the sword, he marched out of the bathroom and headed back to the epicenter of the disaster.

Everything was so much clearer now. Why hadn’t he done this before? Why hadn’t he taken a blade and stabbed himself a thousand times until he bled out on the floor of their bathroom? Remus would’ve loved to find that. He would’ve probably dissected Roman and hung up bits and pieces of his insides around the house. That had been a small hobby of his during high school, and Roman was sure he would pick it back up if such a situation presented itself. If Roman died, their parents would probably scorn him for taking the cowardly option of suicide. _But they don’t understand- I want their scorn. I deserve it. And I’m protecting them by doing this._ Although, there was a disturbing image that wouldn’t leave his head; the picture of their parents standing in front of two matching graves in an empty cemetery. Obviously, Remus wouldn’t actually be dead- but would he really be alive to them if he never got to see them again? Surely, Remus would have an extremely long prison sentence, if not a lifelong one. _Will they even still consider him a son after they find out what he’s done?_

Yes. Yes, they would. They had always loved him the most- that would never change.

To be honest, Remus would probably easily overpower Roman. Considering how many people he’d killed by now, Roman had a pretty good idea of just how well-trained he was at combat. _Do I even stand a chance?_ The chances didn’t matter, though- even if they were 100% in favor of his death, Roman had to try. _Justice must be served._ If he had suffered so many years of abuse because of his mistakes, then Remus should answer for his crimes. _And if Terrence had to die because he accidentally killed someone, so should I._

Everyone was a loser in this game, but that was because they had all broken the rules.

Roman decided to reach the stage by the auditorium instead of the backstage. He needed to be able to see his surroundings clearly to avoid getting jumped on. _Am I really strategizing about this?_ This fight was going to require raw strength- there was no way to plan it all out. The fear was already starting to creep up on him again, but he pushed it away. _I can’t stop now. Not after everything that I’ve done, everything that has happened. There’s no going back._ And so, he forced himself to continue until he reached the auditorium doors. His hands on the brass knobs, the exit doors behind him, he threw them open and went inside.

The theatre hall wasn’t that large, but it was a good size. Most likely there were about 200 seats- 6 rows with 34 seats each. Roman brushed his hand against the rough velvet material of them, knowing that this was the last time he would soak in all of this. This place- or this kind of place- was where he belonged. He had been born for it, and now he was going to die in it.

Remus was sitting on the edge of the stage, his legs hanging down on the end. His mace was beside him, gleaming in the spotlight that had been casted onto him. As Roman climbed up the stairs on the left side, Remus stood up and began twirling his mace. That grin was displayed on his face, the one that he wore when something was going exactly the way he wanted it to. _I’m screwed._ There was something Remus knew that Roman didn’t- either that, or Remus was just excited for their face-off. Both options were plausible.

“Hello, brother~!” Remus squealed, slinking closer to him. “I’m so glad we’re alone this time! We don’t have to hide what’s between us from anyone else~ Oh, where’s your little friend? What was his name… Terrence, wasn’t it?” There was a gleam in his eye that made Roman think somehow, he knew about everything that had happened. “Y’know, it’s strange how some people are born with the instinct to kill. I have it, Terrence had it, and _you_ … my dear brother, you have a literal _demon_ inside of you! If anyone thinks _I’m_ a monster, I wonder what they think about you! Except, your demon is disguised as an angel. You pretend to be this poor, suffering, little abused boy, but if anyone reads between the lines, they see that you’re lying. You’re lying to everyone, including yourself. You’ve lied to yourself for so long that you actually believe it’s true now! That’s why _you_ were supposed to be the weapon. But not only are you a cruel, ugly demon, but you’re a _coward_. When given the chance to revel in your true colors, you turned it down because you’re so obsessed with the way people see you. You’re obsessed with trying to answer the question of, ‘am I really a good person?’ Here’s your answer- no, you’re not.”

Before Remus could say anything else, Roman swung his sword at him. Now was not the time to listen to one of Remus’s long-spun rants. _It’s time to end this._ There was nobody left to protect- now there was only justice to be served. Unfortunately, Remus easily side-stepped his attack as if he had seen it coming a thousand years before. “Too slow! You’re going to have to up your game if you want to catch me, brother!”

 _This is going to be hard._ How exactly was Roman supposed to go about this? _I don’t want to hurt him, but how am I supposed to get him to surrender if I don’t?_ He would have to disarm Remus first, and then get into a killing position. _Then I can tie him up. I hope this works…_ And so, he began swinging at Remus’s equipped hand. Of course, Remus was dodging every time, not even bothering to go on the offensive himself. _He’s toying with me!_ They were dancing across the stage- and they were getting nowhere with this fight. _If this doesn’t finish soon, the police will show up and I won’t be able to commit suicide!_

Of course, Remus seemed to notice his distraction and suddenly flashed forward, smashing his mace down on Roman’s sword hilt. _Clang!_ The impact resonated into Roman’s hand, causing him to drop it. It clattered onto the ground and panic sparked inside him. _Oh no._ Remus then swung his mace straight for his head and he barely managed to duck before getting beheaded. _Jesus Christ superstar!_ He’d lost his weapon, what could he do, _what should I do!?_ Deciding to go with his first thought, he ran forward into Remus legs, causing them both to tumble onto the floor. Remus, caught off guard, dropped his mace off the side of the stage. _Yes!_ Before his brother could get the wind back into his body, Roman snatched up his sword and put the tip of it to Remus’s throat. “Don’t move, or I’ll stab you.”

“Ooh, so you’ve finally decided to stand up to me, did you?” Remus snicked, “I like that dominant energy coming from you~”

“Shut up!” Roman snarled at him. “If you make another comment like that, I’ll kill you! Get up.” Without any objections, Remus got back onto his feet. He raised an eyebrow at Roman, “Well? What’re you gonna do now? Hold that sword at me until the police arrive? Huh, I’m almost impressed, my arm would lose feeling if I did that.”

Ignoring Remus, Roman led him over to the curtains. _Where is it?_ He then spotted it; the rope used to hold the curtains back. Grabbing it, he began to tie Remus to the fallen pole. _It’s too heavy to move- he’ll be stuck here._ As he made the last knot, Remus let out a little giggle. “So, lemme guess- you’re going to make a break for it and deny you were ever here. I’ll go alone with that! The lack of punishment will just make you feel worse.”

Without saying another word to him, Roman slid off the stage and made his way back up to lobby. With every step he took, his death came closer. The sword in his hand felt like it was burning, he wanted to do it _now_ \- but first, he needed to write a note. _To my police, to my parents, and most of all… to Remus. Even though he won’t care._ There was sure to be some old show programs in the lobby somewhere along with a pencil of some kind. _Just need to find them fast…_

After looking around a bit, he did find what he was looking for. Roman sat on the floor and began to write his note, backing the paper against his knee and writing in cursive like always.

_To the person reading this- I assume you are an officer. You’ve probably found my body next to this note, and the sword that I killed myself with. I’m telling you now that my brother, Remus, is currently tied up on the stage awaiting your capture, unless he has managed to somehow escape. I wouldn’t put it past him. He murdered every single person in the building, except for myself and two other people. I have already informed the woman I called at 911 about what happened with Terrence Williams Jr. I take full responsibility for my actions, and that is why I’m killing myself right now, among a numerous amount of other reasons. To my_

Suddenly, the front doors burst open and police officers flooded in, waving their rifles around. Roman squeaked in surprise and dropped the paper, taking his sword. _No time to write a note, I have to do this now!_ He lifted his sword to plunge it into his own chest, but an officer grabbed his hand just in time. “Hey! Don’t do that!” The officer snatched the sword and tossed it away. “Sir, you’re Roman Sanders, right? Where’s your brother?”

“O-On the stage,” Roman stumbled over his words. _I’m not going to be able to do it._ The police certainly would stop him if he tried to do anything. _What’s going to happen to me?_ Most of the officers made their way into the auditorium, leaving only a few left behind in the lobby. They all were watching Roman closely. After only a minute or two, one of the others returned. “Sir,” he said to the man still restraining Roman, “Sanders has escaped.”

_Everything in the world that could have gone wrong… went wrong._

***

A week later, Roman was still in the mental hospital he’d been committed to the day of the Angelica Case. That was what the police were calling it, at least. To Roman, it was the day that life as he knew it was over. Remus was still evading the police brilliantly; there wasn’t a single trace of where he could’ve gone. It was like he simply disappeared off the face of the Earth. Meanwhile, Roman had been sent to the mental hospital to prevent him from causing any more bodily harm to himself- or worse. His trial for murdering Terrence was going to take place next month. It seemed, though, Roman wouldn’t have to face too bad a punishment somehow; his lawyer had said that considering the circumstances of when the murder took place and Roman’s mental unhealthiness, they might wave some of the penalties. _I deserve a death sentence._ Of course, that wouldn’t happen- because every time Roman tried to do something good, someone always stopped him or convinced him not to.

Currently, he was sitting in his bed reading a fanfiction on his phone. There were no group activities that he needed to be taking part of at the moment- a group therapy session had been held earlier that morning, and the next one wasn’t for a couple days. So far, Roman hadn’t opened up about his childhood in any way. He didn’t want anyone to know about the things he’d done. Of course, since he didn’t want it, a part of him was urging him to do it. An argument had been raging in his head for days, but it seemed that self-preservation was winning. The justice-loving part of him berated him for this nonstop. _You’re being selfish! You deserve every bit of criticism and hate they’ll throw at you when you tell them!_

“Roman?” a nurse peeked into the room. When he looked up, she waved an envelope at him. “You got something in the mail. Were you expecting anything?” As she came over to hand it to him, he shook his head in confusion. “No.” He took it carefully and looked over it- of course, there wasn’t much to look at. The envelope was completely blank, apart from the name “Roman Sanders”. Tearing it open with his fingers, he pulled out a single slip of paper. There was only a small note written on it. _Silverbridge Rd. 24601, Gainesville Florida. November 1 st 2020\. If you wish to reconcile with your brother, come to the given address on the provided date. –J. S._ He stared at it for a few long moments. _Reconcile with Remus…?_

He then said, “Can you call the police? I have some information on the Angelica Case.”

********************

 _Keep reading in the final installment of the the_ Lies _series, coming out on September 30th..._


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